This is jus the first part of a lil fanfic i decided to write, having jus played mgs2 and decided i liked the idea of writing about the background to the gurlukovich army. Criticise me, i need the help :)

PART 1:
The sun was sinking. It glowed red. Blood red. Despite it being summer, this sun brought no warmth to Olga's heart, she felt like nothing would. What had she been expecting? Not this, surely. As she stood there, she saw a group of men walking towards her, blurred by the tears she longed not to cry.
''Olga, come one, you need rest,'' came a mans voice, deep and tainted with a strong Russian accent.
Without thinking she walked with them, not noticing where her feet were taking her. As she limped on, she slipped into a remonition of the mornings events, which flashed through to the afternoon, and then to now, the story of the worst day of her life.

The day had started much like any other. Olga had woke early, to find her father, Sergei in the room.
''Olga, get up, it is time'', he had said in his familiar deep voice.
''Are the men ready?'' Olga replied.
''Yes, we wait for you, but hurry, or i shall get my wish and you will not go with them'', her father said, before leaving the room.
Olga rose, and went over to her drawers, and took out her uniform. Silently she started to dress, secretly shaking with deep anticipation for the mission ahead. This was going to be a tough one. Her father had recieved information from an unknown source that plans were being drawn up for a new Metal Gear, and that they were being held in an old military base in the middle of an empty stretch of land by the beach. Olga glanced over at her clock- 4 am, but she felt wide awake. Strapping on her holster, she picked up her USP and left the room.
Entering the armory, she saw the other soldiers chosen to go on this mission- her favorite group. They had already picked up their rifles and were picking up grenades and pistols when she entered. As usual before a difficult mission, the men were silent, and so was Olga. She clipped a couple of grenades onto her belt, and attatched her light/laser onto her USP.
30 minutes later she was on the small boat with the other soldiers, the dawn not far off bringing little light. She looked back, seeing the temporary van base that had been set up getting smalle and smaller, and looking ahead, began to see a small speck of buildings on the shore- the enemy base, where Metal Gear's blueprints would be found.
''5 Minutes and you will be at the drop off point, Olga,'' came her fathers voice, crackling through the radio. ''All personnel, radio silence. Trust me, you do not want to be heard''
Olga nodded agreement along with the others and, as one, they reached to their belts and turned off their radios. Olga bowed her head- she stared at the USP in her hand, and realised that, despite the morning chills, her hand was sweating. She quickly looked away, and became lost in her own thoughts.
''Here we go!'' came one of her comrades voices, and she felt the boat grind into the shore. They made for the nearest cover, a small clump of bushes, lay on their backs, and watched the boats vanish into the gloom.
The small band crawled towards the fencing of the base and there, one of the soldiers cut the wire of the fence.
''You two, go!'' whispered Olga, and two soldiers equipped their IR goggles and crawed through the gap. A man came into sight, and wandered past them, humming to himself. One of the two soldiers quickly sprung up, and cut his throat, and dragged him back towards the others. Olga looked at him- past the gently steaming bleeding wound in his throat, and down to his chest- he had an M4, and a knife at his side.
''So, something really is being hidden here then...'' she muttered, before she and the rest of the group snuck through the hole, and faded into the murky black morning.

That's very professional writing. And thank you for the advice, I'm definately gonna keep that in mind. The only problem is, first person view and quotational writing is still new to me. But I'm adjusting. :thumb:

Nice work. :thumb:

thanks lol thats the first time i've ever wrote anything like that on a forum lol

and thanks for tellin me i helped you lol, normally my comments are ignored :(

Good writings man :thumb:

The dawn was not far off as the small band Olga led entered the base. As the rest hid behind crates that they supposed held ammo, Olga looked around. There were four rather large industrial type buildings, set out in a large square, with an open courtyard in the centre littered with crates and an old jeep. On each corner of the fence was a large guard tower, each with a soldier watching ceaselessly.
''Right, we split into four groups of six'' Olga whispered to her men, ''Take one building each, clear all rooms, try and stay silent. And have an eye open for those plans, as soon as you find them break radio silence to tell us and we will all get the hell outta here''
The soldiers nodded, and then, silently, they assumed formation and, sticking to the shadows, crept towards their designated buildings.
Olga went with the group who were infiltrating the largest building- here, she thought, would be the plans, in the largest building- the command centre. As they approached the building, they saw a solitary light beaming out from the second floor, illuminating the semi-darkness up to twenty feet around it. The group lined up by the door, and Olga took a deep breath...

''Go!'' she whispered, and the lead soldier jammed his knife into the lock; it cracked loudly, then the second soldier pushed the door open and raising his rifle, strode in. The following guards walked in quickly, checking left and right as they entered, and starting to advance upon the first door. As they pushed it open, they found themselves in a wide, dark corridor, with several rooms on either side. As they snuck down the corridor, they checked each room. They were all empty.
''Where is everyone?'' murmured one of the soldiers, as they reached the staircase at the corridors end. Olga motioned up the stairs, and the troops began to sneak up the steps. At the top, they saw the room with the light on, and from it heard the sound of voices.
''I trust you hid the plans somewhere safe, Private?’’
“Yes sir, we hid them in the basement of this building. No-one can get in there without us knowing about it’’
“How is that?’’
“We have a retinal scanner in place. Even if that is bypassed, only one person can get in at a time, and they would never get out of the base alive- this computer will warn me every time those doors are opened- and I have to give people permission to be in there’’
“So basically no one goes in without you knowing?’’
“That is correct, Sir’’

Olga took her chance.
“Now!” she whispered to her men, and they followed her through the door, into the dully lit room.
“Freeze!” shouted one of her soldiers, his husky Russian accent cutting the air and echoing grimly down the corridor, as the soldiers charged the room and pointed their rifles at the marines.
“What the hell!! How did you get in?” yelped one of the marines. The other gave a strangled kind of gulp, and they both raised their hands.
“Which of you can get us into the basement, quickly?” Olga asked. The private slowly lowered his arm, and pointed at himself.
“Good, that was easy” said one of the soldiers. He pointed his rifle at the other marine. There was a brief flash, and a muffled bang. The marine fell with a hole in his head. The private exclaimed quietly, his eyes wide with fear, staring at the marine, lying in a pool of his own blood, with what was left of his head spurting blood across the floor.
“Go!!” came Olga’s voice- the other marine was roughly grabbed, and quick marched, half dragged, along the corridor and down the stairs. He pointed out the way to the basement, and the soldiers followed his directions. The elevator down was small- it would only accommodate 4 people. Two of Olga’s troops entered, the marine followed, and Olga entered last. The other 3 soldiers adopted defensive positions around the lift entrance, ready to defend it with their lives if necessary.

At the bottom, there was a small dark corridor, and at the end, the retinal scanner. The small group walked up to it, and the marine was pushed into it.
“Do your thing” said Olga, pointing her USP at him.
The Marine bent forward, and pressed his eyes into the scanner- it flashed green, and the door opened. There was another small flash- the marine fell with a fresh red wound in his head. Olga nodded to the others, and stepped inside.
She saw a desk up ahead- would she find what she came for? Her heart leapt as she saw paper on the desks- but they were to small- they couldn’t be…
She reached the desk. What she saw made her feel sick. There was a note. As she read it, she realised they had been to slow. They had been beaten:

‘Sorry Marines, but this time we’ll be having these off you, to make the world a more pleasant place to be. Have a nice day!
-Anonymous’



Anonymous as i cannot think of anyone to steal it lol. Any ideas? Took a while to post as i had coursework and revision and shit :(

:ocelot: boom