"I cant get in!" GrayFox was an agent of Wolftwo...an anti-terrorist group. "the doors are locked." he excalimed. Generl Jean was the head in command of "project fox ". " Then use your saber!" Fox pulls out a magificent blade from his back. With unbreakable iron its unbeatable. He takes a whack at the door ..nothing..or thats what it seems. The doors falls to the ground."Im in" he says. He lookms around. Guards...4..one at each exit...evidentally except this one. Fox runs as fast as he can and in a instant all the guards are in pieces. "general, infiltration complete." "Good Grayfox... one of the doors should say 31...do you see it?" he asks "yes sir" "go there." In one more instant hes there...looks to be open...fox nudges it open. What he see's is not good. A memebr of fox hound sitting infront of him...in the wrong place. It was sifer. After his parents being killed by an unkown reason sifer was the computer ner of the operation. Fox couldnt believe what he was seeing. "oh...its you..your fast..." sifer says "so it was you! i knew someone was leaking info!" sifer pulls out an good blade.but not as good as fox's. "come on kill me!!" sifer provokes. With many slashes of thier blades sifer get leveled. He runs.

Well, let me just say that it's good that you're posting, but bare in mind that if this is supposed to be a story, then this is WAY too short of a chapter. A minimum number of pages that a chapter should be at least 3 or 4 pages. This isn't really even long enough to be a TUT. Keep at it, but please try harder when making a story, because this isn't someone really something you worked hard at, is it?

Some people here post stories over 100 pages long...*coughs...Second Skin...coughs...272 pages.* This would be lucky to hit page 20. So please try harder, because this is a very poor attempt in creating a fan fic, no offense.

ya dude...couldnt think of much..just wanted to get some stuff in..but howd ya like the material?

That's the thing, it's not enough for me to really judge bro.

yeah, wot he said lol :haha: :lmao:

One thing, you need to clean up your grammar and spelling. Before you post work that you want to show the board and get their feedback, you should at least proof read it to ensure that everything is spelt correctly, and fix other grammatical issues. If you're not fantastic at that particular area, then that is what Microsoft Word is for, use the spell checker.

Also you need to put some more effort into your descriptions of, well everything. All we know is that Fox has gone into some enemy's place, bashed open a door with his sword (which I'm sorry, is a fair bit unbelieveable, especially if it's supposed to be a stealth mission), killed some people, then came across an apparent traitor who fought a bit and ran away.

You need to take the time to describe your surroundings and the emotion behind the scene and everything. Something like:

Gray Fox looked out, hidden from view in the underbrush near the complex. It was a large, cracked and old military outpost, that the unit suspected was being used to produce missiles for a terrorist group in South America. The building had one entrance that he could see, a large red and rusted iron door. Fox could see no sign of any enemy movement from his position, so he slowly crept closer, his heart pounding in his chest, dreading that at any moment a hidden sentry might spot him.

He reached the door no problems, still not a guard in sight. He tried the handle of the door . . . locked. He took cover in a nearby bush and radioed in.

"General, this is Fox. Do you read me?' He spoke quietly into the transmitter.

"I hear you Fox. What is the situation?" General Jean was the commander of Wolftwo, an anti-terrorist organization, which technically didn't exist. A crack team who undertake the most important Black Op missions for the government.

"I've reached the entry point to the complex, but the door is sealed tight. It's an iron door, I'm not sure what chance I'd have of brea . . ."

Suddenly Fox heard footsteps from inside the complex coming closer to the door. A click was heard and slowly the handle began to move.

"Never mind sir, I've just found my opportunity. Fox out."

The door began to open and Fox positioned himself beside it so that the door opened to hide him from view. The guard walked out of the doorway outside and past Fox, not noticing him. With lightning speed, Fox was behind the guard. He snatched the sentry's wrist, snapping it back and up above his shoulder blade, his other hand clutching a knife at his throat.

"Now, it's time to take a little beauty sleep pal. No hard feelings."

He brought the guard down with one strike of the hilt of his knife on the back of the guard's head. He then dragged the body into the underbrush and covered it from view. After making sure no one would discover the sleeping guard until his objective was complete, Fox entered the building and closed the door behind him.

"It's Fox . . . I'm in."

That's more like what you should be doing, I'm not the greatest writer, the content is general crap I pulled out of my ass, but that's the kind of length and description you should be putting in if you want to get a decent reception here.

That's right, you should spend much more time with your story and practice a bit before posting it here. CBJ's version was much better.

wow dude..loved the story...lol...you have potentional to be a writer...
i wrote another that i thought was a little better..but not by much..just wanted to know if i was improving


A dark shadow moves across the road.
Fox is a member of the “non existent” Wolftwo
An Anti terrorist group. He radios in.
“General. I’m at the destination” “good fox,
Is there sentry?” “not from what I can see”
Fox jumps to the door. There is an security panel.
“general there’s a problem” he says “there’s a door
With a lock” “then figure out a way to open it!!”
Fox pulls out his glass like sword from his back.
One pull of it could take down 6 soldiers. It was
Deadly. He pushes it into the ever so thick door.
He pulls the sword to form a kind of oval whole.
Fox slowly takes out the 3” sheet of metal and places
It on the ground. He was in.

you should add many many battles like snake vs foxhound but grayfox vs however you choose like make up a unit like,ughhhh,the wolf unit or something and pics to(if possible) :o

ya but howd you like that little excerpt?

twas pretty good but to short ;)

awesome. Ill try to make a long story...if you promise to read it....!! lol.... just give me lkke till...tommorow....jk..lol

Look bud, if you want real advice, do it on a word document, and check the page length, minimum TWO pages, lol. If you can pull that off, post it here, that's how you know it's long enough. :thumb: