Metal Gear Otacon #1 - Dog

At Philanthropy's Hideout in New York....

(Snake is doing sit ups when Otacon comes in with a bag....)

Otacon - Snake! I've been shopping.
Snake - Woopie....
Otacon - I've got you something....
Snake - ????
Otacon - Tah Dah!!
(Snake is given a cuddly toy dog)
Snake - Huh?
Otacon - It's a cuddly husky dog. I was going past Toys R Us when I saw it.
Snake - Why?
Otacon - It reminded me of your huskies back in Alaska, and I thought you might like it.
Snake - Oh, well thanks Hal. Nice thought.
(Otacon smiles)
Snake - You know, this is the gayest thing you've ever done.
Otacon - I know. As queer as all my pics of male body builders on my PC.
Snake - It's a stuffed dog.
Otacon - ....and all the videos of you in the shower?
Snake - Listen to me. STUFFED. DOG.

Metal Gear Otacon #2 - Yellow Snow

--Winter in New York. Snake and Otacon out shopping with Mei Ling and Naomi for some clothes.--

Snake - I'm bored.
Otacon - I'm thirsty.
Mei Ling - Stop complaining you two.
(Snake and Otacon begin grumbling)
Naomi - Tell you what. You two go and get some drinks and we'll meet up in Central Park, okay?
Snake - Yeah okay.
Naomi - I'll get you two something!!!
(Mei Ling and Naomi head off among the crowds)
Snake - Let's hope it isn't FOXDIE then.

--Central Park, deep snow.--

(Otacon is getting drinks)
Snake - Please be a cup of coffee....
Otacon - Sorry, only lem....what you doing?
Snake - (laughs) Hey, watch this...
(Snake turns round and yellow liquid squirts onto some snow, spelling the words - SNAKE RULES!!)
Otacon - Cool! Yet me try!
(Otacon does the same and spells - HAL RULES!!)
Otacon - Cool or what?!
Snake - Isn't it great? I've wanted to do this for years!
(Mei Ling and Naomi appear behind the pair)
Naomi - Ugh!! You two are...Mei Ling NO!!
(Mei Ling takes a scoup of HAL RULES!! and eats it)
Mei Ling - Ice Lemonade! That's very nice.
(Otacon shows Naomi the can of lemonade he bought)
Naomi - Phew. Thought you were using something else then. Let's go guys.
(Mei Ling and Naomi skip off together)
Otacon - The SNAKE RULES!! wasn't lemonade though....

Metal Gear Otacon #3 - Cookery with Snake and Hal

--Philanthropy HQ--

Snake - I AM GOING TO MAKE BREAKFAST!! OKAY?!
Otacon - Yeah, but can you cook?
Snake - In a way yes.
Otacon - Not too convincing that Dave...
Snake - Just sit down and wait Hal...
(Five minutes later, fried eggs and pancakes appear in front of Hal while watching Spongebob Squarepants)
Otacon - Cheers mate.
(Otacon looks up to see Snake wearing a novelty apron of a bikini cladded woman)
Otacon - Erm, very nice.
Snake - It was the only one I could find. Eat up then.
(Otacon wearily pokes the eggs with his fork and chews some)
Otacon - Your eggs are brown and....crunchy.
Snake - Fine. Pancakes?
Otacon - They're burnt.
Snake - Lighty tanned ACTUALLY.
Otacon - I'm sorry Snake. I can't eat this.
Snake - I'll eat them then.
Otacon - You can't eat them!
Snake - Why not? These are what rations are.
Otacon - I'm surprised you don't die from them.
Snake - Yeah well Big Boss had to eat frogs and mushrooms and parrots.
Otacon - I'll make breakfast then...

--Five minutes later, door bell rings--
Otacon - Cheers.
(Takes bags to Snake)
Otacon - You did order the Happy Meal didn't you Snake?

Metal Gear Otacon #4 - Brain Slug

Snake - I don't know. This is kinda weird.
Otacon - It will be fine. Relax Raiden.
(Raiden is sitting on a chair when Otacon puts a slug of some sort on his head)
Raiden - Ugh......(drool)....
Snake - What is that?
Otacon - I dunno. A slug that lives off human brain power to live.
Snake - Where did you get it?
Otacon - eBay. Obviously. How is it Raiden?
(The slug falls off Raiden's head, looking very dead)
Raiden - What happened?
(Otacon walks over to the dead slug)
Otacon - Poor thing. It starved to death....

oh my god such blasphamy.......and such hillarity these are so funny please keep them up :P :lol:

Metal Gear Otacon #5 - An Answer For Everything

On a mission, Snake and Raiden call Otacon...

Snake - I'm on the base.
Raiden - Me too.
Otacon - Good. You'll need to find a way in there.
Snake - Okay, We are ready to go....
Otacon - Err, Snake?
Snake - What?
Otacon - What is with your codename?
Raiden - Do we really have time for this?!
Snake - There is a reason why they call me 'Solid Snake', but I'll tell you when we are alone....

Metal Gear Otacon #6 - Japanese Food

Otacon - You've got to try this Snake! It's called Pocky!
Snake - Sure.
Otacon - It's japanese and its like their national snack cos you cant get it here in America unless you go on things like Tokyotoys.com but they operate from London and it takes like FOREVER but luckily Mei Ling knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy's brother who can get some from a another...
Snake - It's a stick with frosting on it......
Otacon - No it's not! It's Pocky, the most amazing snack EVER!!
Snake - Listen, it's a stick with frosting on it.
Otacon - You always do this to me when trying new stuff and you are just being stuborn like usual. (walks off - stomp stomp stomp bang)
Snake - Nothing wrong with it (grumble) it's just a stick with frosting on it (grumble)

Metal Gear Otacon #7 - The Mutt's Nuts

Snake discovers dogs aren't all cute on a mission...

Snake - Arggh!! Bloody animals!
(codec rings)
Snake - This better be good Otacon!!!
Otacon - It is. Don't hurt the dogs!!!
Snake - You what?!
Otacon - They're are just innocent creatures!
Snake - But they're biting my balls off!!
Otacon - Please...
Snake - GIMME A BREAK!!

(all the dogs are asleep on the ground. Snake has cuts and blood all over his face after the attacks)

Snake - Happy now?!
Otacon - Yep. See ya.
Snake - Oh, but don't worry about me Otacon! The dogs are fine, but am I?! Hell no!!

Metal Gear Otacon #8 - Couldn't think of a title, so this was my last resort

Snake is lying on a leather couch at a psyhcatrists (aka Otacon's bedroom)

Otacon - Tell me about your problem.
Snake - Are you qualified for this?
Otacon - In a way yeah. I saw a documentary on people's mental thoughts in a chinese take away last night. The sound wasn't on but I think I got the gist of it.

(twelve minutes later)
Snake - I just feel comfortable when I use one...
Otacon - I see, and when did you start to use one of these objects?
Snake - A few years ago. It really calmed me down.
Otacon - Do you feel safer with them?
Snake - Oh yes, much better.
Otacon - I see. Tell me, do you feel like the need for this item was brought on genetically? Through say, your Father?
Snake - Yeah I think. Then again, he may have been a bit mentally ill from eating rotten fruit and parrots....
Otacon - Okay...well David, I feel like you need a change. That's all. I'm going to just fetch something from outside. Stay here.
(few minutes later)

Otacon - Okay, how's that?
Snake - Wow, it feels like I'm home with this.
Otacon - There, so next time your on the battlefield, and you have the need to jump inside a cardboard box, use this barrel instead.

Metal Gear Otacon #9 - Little Plastic Men

Snake - What's that?
Otacon - Oh? I'm wrapping Dan's birthday present.
Snake - Who on Earth is Dan?
Otacon - The toddler next door.
Snake - Oh. What you got him?
Otacon - An Action Man, here take a look.

(Snake takes the Action Man and presses a button)

Action Man - 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, SOLD!!!
Snake - This is Auction Man you git!