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Title: Writing Scripts is a lot harder then I expected.


BigK - August 22, 2007 08:27 PM (GMT)
I think I may have to rewrite Dementium Effect. Nothing's certain yet, but a few fellow screenwriters felt it had a large similarity to Batman Begins' conflict. Here, let me share it with you, tell me what you thinK:

Batman Begins:

In the mountains, the League of Shadows grow mysterious blue flowers. Potent so strong it causes fearful haullucinations. Falconi delivers the drugs, hidden inside are the Leagues' flowers. Crane weaponizes the drug and dumps it in the water lines of Gothom. Raz Al Gual releases it in the air and watches for Gothom to tear itself apart through fear. Batman chases after the monorail releasing the aerosoft form of the flowers poison, and destroys the controls of the monorail, forcing it to crash, Batman escapes, Raz Al Gual dies, and the city is safe. Now Batman is the official protector, and has to find the inmates Crane released, Crane himself, and now the Joker.

Dementium Effect:

Uganda, wanted Russian terrorist Vladimir Falken has located and been harvesting white flowers called Colchicium. *Real too.* Agent Bishop and his team go into the rain forest to capture him. They're ambushed, Falken gets away with the flowers, his plantation is blown to bits, and Bishop loses his good friend, Memphis. EPA manages to ID the burnt flowers. Falken takes the poisonous chemicals from the flowers and seiges the dam in D.C. threatening to poison the entire river with his poison unless the government surrenders 20 billion into his accounts. Bishop, the ICTO, NSA, and Tactics head to the dam, and it's a war zone. Bishop stops them from poisoning the water supply, but is ambushed by the man who had been supplying Falken with intel all along, Dimone Memphis, who had secretly lived in the explosion at the plantation.
Memphis shoots Bishop, he and Falken, along with the rest of their men had already seiged the Main Gas Refinery, which is link to all the central gas lines in D.C. Memphis has weaponized the chemicals into gas form and fused it with all of the gas running through D.C.'s gas lines. He and Falken set it to overload, and all the gas mains would explode in D.C. releasing the gas form of the poison, killing all citizens in D.C. Bishop stops them, kills Falken, and faces off with Memphis in the main control terminal of the Gas Main Refinery. Memphis is knocked out, and Bishop withdraws the gas to its' original point, the refinery itself. He sets it to evacuate, and Memphis awakens, he is about to shoot Bishop in the back, but the gas goes off as Bishop takes off like the wind, and Memphis gets a full doce of his poison, killing him almost instantly while Bishop and his men manage to escape outside, arresting the remains of Falken's men who evacuated.

Solid Snake The Great - August 22, 2007 09:13 PM (GMT)
Hmm, I must say it is rather similar. I think the way you write the script is solid (I read some of it), but you need to re-think and change some parts of your plot. Revamp, like you did with Ground Zero. I like the Memphis twist, so keep that, but re-think the flower - river part. That's where your story becomes similar to Batman Begins. You could change your story so that Falken tries to put the chemical into the cities supply of water bottles.

Paper_Shapes - August 22, 2007 09:29 PM (GMT)
That's more a synopsis than a script, but I see what you mean when saying it's a difficult task. I helped a couple of people get scripts together for their uni assignments last year and it's a constant headache to decide how much of it can be allowed to be cliché, and wondering if what you think is original, actually is.
Personally, I'd rather write a screenplay than a script

That blue flower thing wasn't orignal to Batman Begins either, it derives from the blue flower used in the Drug Substance D from the novel A Scanner Darkly. So don't punish yourself too much over the concept of being original, all the hollywood blockbusters use the same iseas over and over.

BigK - August 22, 2007 10:42 PM (GMT)
I meant screenplay, sorry. But revamping with this is going to be much more difficult then with Ground Zero. Here is the first 27 minutes of the screenplay. Tell me if you think the beginning so far is similar to Batman Begins.

And that's basically my overall synopsis of DE, because it shares everything about the screenplay.

*Also, I know I said Uganda, and ICTO. In the screenplay, it'll say ICTU and South American Rain Forest. I am changing that to Uganda, because it's a much better setting. Also I am adding some more to the beginning, with Bishop back at ICTO briefing so the audience will have a better idea of what's up.

Dementium Effect
by Kamran Nikhad

FADE IN:

INT. SOUTH AMERICAN RAIN FOREST -- EVENING

A beautiful sight of wildlife, vines, trees and exotic rain forest animals takes the scenes. The sight of a massive plantation takes the scene. Rustling in the bushes, comes DIMONE MEMPHIS, (30) black, shaved black hair with a thin mustache, wears urban camo field gear. He rises to his feet and quickly, crouching low, walks to a large vine covered tree which he blends with surprisingly well.

Memphis reaches for his radio.

MEMPHIS
(Into Radio)
I've discovered Falken's plantation. Head 20 meters
North to your current position, over.

MALE VOICE (V.O)
Ten four.

Memphis holsters his radio on his back and reaches for a FLIR Camera from his vest. Bringing it up to his face, Memphis peers into his camera, along scanning along the plantation, he comes across a small labor field.

EXT. PLANTATION - LABOR FIELD

Several South American migrant laborers, wearing raggedy clothes, covered in dirt and sweat are pulling mysterious white flowers from the soil. On the side lines are roughly eight Russian soldiers, wearing dark green uniforms, all armed with AKS-74U's.
One migrant worker picks up a harvesting basket of the flowers and carries it to the bed of a harvest truck east of the labor field. Once the basket is in, the worker wipes the dirt and sweat from his face and approaches one of the Russian soldiers.

LABOR WORKER
¿Por favor señor, el calor, me mata, puedo tener por favor yo alguna agua?

RUSSIAN SOLDIER
(Russian accent)
You'll get water when each and every single flower has
been harvested. Until then, back to work.

The labor worker shrugs and returns to his post.

EXT. PLANTATION EXTERIOR

Memphis takes several photos of the workers, the plantation and the flowers before holstering his camera back on his vest.
Just then he is greeted by two other field agents. JACK BISHOP, (29) short wet brown hair, a muscular gritty looking young man wearing urban camo field gear. His face his covered in dirt and blood. SCOTT THOMPSON, (26) a youthful looking man, short blonde hair, and a light 5'o'clock shadow with blood leaking down from his forehead. MICHAEL HALL, (28) a muscular black man, buzz cut short black hair, a light mustache and goatee, now bleeding out of his right arm, wears urban camo.

MEMPHIS
Jack? Where's everyone else?

BISHOP
We are everyone else.

MEMPHIS
(Shocked tone)
What?

HALL
We were ambushed, Falken knew we were coming.
His men caught us before we even knew what
the hell was going on.

BISHOP
Marcus, Logan, Stratson, Queen, Johnson,
and Carmine, all dead.

MEMPHIS
Goddammit...well I'm just glad you made it, Jack.

BISHOP
You and me both, Dimone.

Bishop's attention is drawn towards Falken's plantation.

BISHOP
What has he been up to here?

MEMPHIS
Take a look.

Memphis hands Bishop his camera. Bishop flips through several pictures of migrant workers harvesting mysterious white flowers. Continuing on he spots pictures of the workers being surrounded by several of Falken's men.

MEMPHIS
I can't get an I.D. on what he's growing,
but whatever it is, it has to be important,
why else would Falken have security so
beefed out in the rain forest?

BISHOP
(Still staring into the camera)
Toulips?

MEMPHIS
(Sarcastic tone)
Yeah, I'm sure he's just aching to win Lawn of
the Year. Jack, be serious man.

BISHOP
(Attention on Memphis)
I don't know, I'm not a flowerist, Dimone, sorry
I'm not gay, okay?

Memphis rolls his eyes. Bishop stares back at the labor field at the sight of another individual entering the field. Bishop takes his binoculars from his vest and zooms into the labor field.

EXT. PLANTATION EXTERIOR - LABOR FIELD

The workers continue to harvest the white flowers when a large man enters the field from the north western region of the forest. ARMOND O'ROURKE, (34) Australian, a large muscular man, has a full black beard, wears a black vest, woodland camo cargo pants. O'Rourke carries with him an M4 Carbine, the calibur still smoking.

O'ROURKE
(Australian accent)
Mis amigos, Vladimir wants me ta personally
thank you for all your back breaking work.

The migrant workers are pleasantly surprised.

O'ROURKE (con't)
(accent)
Of course after the hellish labor you endured, the only
possible way I can think of thanking you is by easing your
pain.

O'Rourke signals Falken's men. They all point their rifles to the workers. The pleasant expression on all the workers' faces are changed to a look of fright. They all try to break off running and don't make it far. O'Rourke points his M4 at the workers and begins shooting at them. His marksmanship is perfect, dropping workers left and right while the others gun down the rest.

O'ROURKE
(accent)
Target practice is always fun when it's moving targets.

RUSSIAN SOLDIER ONE
(Russian accent)
What now, sir?

O'ROURKE
(accent)
Torch the field, make sure there are absolutely
no traces of the Colchicum when you're finished.

RUSSIAN SOLDIER TWO
(accent)
There's still several Colchicum flowers still in the
field. We can harvest a few more before we leave,
can't we?

O'ROURKE
(accent)
No, burn it all. We're leaving the plantation today,
and all traces of the flowers and our involvement
goes down in flames, do you understand?

The russian soldier nods in agreement, while he and the rest of Falken's men begins to pour gasoline over the field.

EXT. PLANTATION EXTERIOR

Bishop lowers his binoculars in shock. He stares down and clutches his fist in anger.

BISHOP
(Angry tone)
O'Rourke...

MEMPHIS
You saw him too, huh? What could he be
doing down here with Falken? He's just gun
for hire, there's no one to really assassinate in the
rain forest is there?

BISHOP
I don't know, but whatever he and Falken have
been doing down here, they're cutting short.
O'Rourke and Falken's men just burned all of those
plants you were talking about, and gunned down
the workers like they were nothing.

Bishop stares in the distance back to the decimated labor field and dead migrant workers. He stares back at Bishop and the others.

BISHOP
We have to stop him.

MEMPHIS
Jack, we're outnumbered, there's no way-

BISHOP
Our entire team's been wiped out, and
now Falken's shipping out, AND he's taking
whatever he's been growing here with him!

MEMPHIS
Jack, be realistic, our entire team's been wiped out,
Falken's got a small army in this place, and we are a total
of four agents. There's no way we can win.

BISHOP
So what are you saying, Dimone? That we have to
just sit here and do NOTHING while that sadist
gets away with whatever poison he's been growing
at his disposal?

MEMPHIS
Jack, you have to choose your battles carefully.
Choosing this one is suicide, there's simply no way
we can win.

Bishop nods disagreeingly as Memphis removes a small tracking device from his pack.

MEMPHIS (con't)
But if we plant this little sucker on Falken's chopper,
then we can trace him down and capture him alive,
so we can at least get some answers on what he's
been growing here.

BISHOP
Now you're talking.
(Attention on Hall and Thompson)
Okay, Mike, Thompson, you two secure a parimeter
and call for evac. We'll plant the tracking device.

HALL
Got it.

Hall and Thompson head back into the forest as Bishop and Memphis head towards the backend of Falken's plantation. They both hide behind a large tree nearby the plantation as two of Falken's soldiers wander towards its' direction to the bed of a harvest truck. The second of Falken's soldiers signals the driver and it drives off.

Memphis slowly creeps away from the tree and spots a ladder leading to the top of the plantation. Bishop nods and the two quickly creep towards it and climb up it.

EXT. PLANTATION - HELIPAD

The two head to a large platform in the center of the helipad with Falken's chopper atop it. The two kneel down to the level of the choppers' landing gear. Memphis opens his backpack and reaches in, taking out a small round tracker, and a block of C4.

BISHOP
What's with the C4?

MEMPHIS
Plan B.

Bishop loads a fresh clip into his Mp5 and rises to his feet. Memphis finishes planting the tracking device and begins his work with the C4, when an elevator rises to the helipad. Bishop turns to Memphis.

BISHOP
We got trouble.

Memphis nods as the two quickly run behind the chopper. As the elevator rises to the helipad, four of Falken's men and the chopper pilot rise to the helipad level while the elevator lowers down again.

Memphis and Bishop slowly lean over listening in and stare back at one another.

MEMPHIS
We'll never get out of here with these guys around. You
down to tengo, Jack?

BISHOP
Hey, it only takes two.

Bishop cocks his Mp5. Memphis loads a fresh clip into his M16. The two nod.

BISHOP (con't)
Let's tengo.

The two creep around the chopper to see one of Falken's men escorting the pilot in the chopper. The pilot enters the chopper and starts it up. The proppellors and tail blades begin to accelerate while the soldiers guard the chopper. One stands by the edge of the helipad, overlooking the rainforest. Memphis signals to Bishop and points out the first soldier standing near the edge. Bishop nods and quickly, crouching down, sneaks behind him.

BISHOP
Nice view huh? Want a closer look?

The soldier turns around but Bishop shoves him over the edge, as he falls into several wooden crates. The first soldier spots Bishop and starts shooting at him with his Ak. Bishop quickly dashes behind the chopper with the soldier tailing right behind him. As he catches up to Bishop behind the chopper. Memphis appears and cracks the butt of his rifle right into the soldiers face, knocking him down to the ground. The other three soldiers see this and start shooting. Memphis grabs the down soldier and uses his body as a human shield while the others shoot at him. While shooting at Memphis, Bishop rolls under the landing gear and shoots the legs of one of the soldiers while the other one see him and move away. The third soldier falls to his knees screaming while Bishop unloads the rest of his clip into the down soldier, killing him while the last soldier run after Memphis and Bishop. The pilot spots the action and radios for backup.

PILOT
(Into radio)
We're have intruders on the helipad. Send backup here
immediately! We already have three men down!

MALE VOICE (V.O)
Understood.

The pilot puts the radio back in its' place and reaches under his seat and picks up a SPAZ Shotgun. He exits the chopper. The fourth soldier kicks the body of the second soldier Memphis was holding down, knocking the body and Memphis to the ground. Bishop rolls from under the landing gear, on the other side of the chopper and runs behind the fourth soldier, and puts him in a sleeper hold, before snapping his neck. He drops his body and lends his hand to Memphis, pulling him back to his feet.

BISHOP
You okay?

MEMPHIS
Just dand-shit look out!

Bishop turns around and the two immediately dart away as the pilot shoots at them with his shotgun. He cocks the shotgun as shells fall to the ground. He runs around the nose of the chopper and spots them. Memphis and Bishop both shoot at the pilot, but he turns a corner and takes cover, pressing his back on the nose of the chopper. He looks over his right shoulder and spots them reloading. He chuckles and runs out in the open. He shoots at Bishop from far away, nailing him in the torso, knocking him to the ground. Memphis immediately rushes the pilot.

The pilot points his shotgun at Memphis but Memphis knees it out of his hands, and grabs the pilot by the shoulders, slamming his back into the chopper's sliding door. Memphis begins kneeing the pilot in the stomach and follows up by punching him in the chest. The pilot then headbutts Memphis, knocking him back while he delivers a swift punch to the face, forcing Memphis back further. But Bishop runs from behind and gets the pilot in a grapple hold. The two struggle while Memphis runs back at them. Bishop releases the pilot as Memphis delivers a heel kick directly to the pilots' chest, sending him right into the spinning tail blades. Bishop and Memphis turn away as blood splatters all over the helipad.

The two start laughing while breathing heavily.

BISHOP
(Breathing heavy)
Man, whew, that was something else, huh?

MEMPHIS
(Breathing heavy)
The man's a pilot, and there he is thinking he can
blast us with that cannon of his like he's the most
Rambo motherfucka in this place. Goddamn man.

The two catch their breath and head back to the ladder.

BISHOP
I still don't understand, how did Falken know
we were coming?

MEMPHIS
Well, after we track him down again, you can
ask him personally.

BISHOP
No, I want to know now. If someon's
compromised our mission, what's to stop
them from doing it again?

MEMPHIS
Hold up Jack, come on, a leak? It's Falken.
He could've hacked into I.C.T.U's database.
All mission data and dossier files are on it.

BISHOP
Yeah, and it's security is also inpenitrable.

MEMPHIS
I just don't like thinking someone back at HQ
could be a mole, okay?

BISHOP
Neither do I, but it's a very valid possibility, and if
there is, we have to find out who or we'll never be able
to stop Falken.

The elevator rises to the helipad, a blinking block of C4 is awaiting them on the lift. The two immediately know what's coming next and jump back as far as they can. Bishop jumps off of the helipad and lands in several ration crates as the C4 explodes.

EXT. PLANTATION

Bishop lays motionless in the center of several shattered wooden crates. His eyes twinkle open as he coughs up blood and moans in pain, clutching his neck and broken ribs. He slowly looks up as a look of shock grows over his face. He sees the Helipad in flames and Memphis nowhere in sight.

BISHOP
(Shouting)
Dimone! Dimone! Come on, talk
to me! Memphis!!

No response. Just then, four of Falken's men approach Bishop pointing their Ak's at him. Bishop slowly puts his arms up as O'Rourke enters the scene, standing in the center of Falken's men. O'Rourke walks closer to Bishop and stands over him as a very sinister smirk grows over his face.

O'ROURKE
(accent)
Bishop, I thought I saw you snoopin' round
this place. Haha, did'ja like the gift I sent for
you, didn't have time to wrap'er up, but, I'm
sure you understand, don'tcha mate?

BISHOP
(still in pain)
Well it sure did have an explosive impact, I'll
give you that. At least now I know what to
give you on your birthday.

O'ROURKE
(accent)
You're too kind.

O'Rourke bends down closer to Bishop and delivers a swift punch to the face, knocking Bishop out cold. O'Rourke wanders back and points Bishop out to one of Falken's men. He nods and lifts Bishop up over his shoulder as he carries him off.

INT. PLANTATION

The plantation is a very empty facility. The walls and floor are metal, the ceiling is blocked out by the sight of several metal pipes and struts running throughout the entire plantation. All the main struts are rigged with C4, ready to go by remote. Bishop, groggy, rolls his head as his eyes slowly open..

O'ROURKE (O.S)
(accent)
Your chopper's ready, Vladimir, I checked it out,
all I found was a stick of plastic explosive on
above the landing gear of your helicopter.
Guess they really wanted to keep you grounded.

MAN (O.S)
(Russian accent)
Aww...why? Have I been a bad boy, James?

Bishop looks up and sees a man approaching him. He jerks forward but is immobilized. His arms and legs are chained up behind his back.

VLADIMIR FALKEN, (36) Russian, pale skin, short greyish brown hair, has a visible scar over his right cheek, wears a long black coat, and urban camouflage with a black vest underneath. He leans towards Bishop's face and grins.

FALKEN
(accent)
James....it's rather pathetic that it took
you THIS long to actually find me. And
your sneak attack plan, I mean, did you
truly believe I wouldn't detect you sneaking
on MY territory?

BISHOP
(groggy)
I...I had my hopes...

FALKEN
(accent)
Hope and actuality are two different things, James.
Hope is the possible chance that you capture me
and put an end to my operation, where as actuality
is the realization that I'm always a step ahead of you
hopeful Americans, and operating right under your
supposedly watchful eyes.

Bishop looks up at Falken and gives him a very stern and angry look, Falken's grin slowly fades.

BISHOP
(less groggy)
You can operate all you want, but we found you,
and now that we know what you're up to-

Falken interrupts, laughing at Bishop.

FALKEN
(accent)
"Now that you know what I am up to," do tell,
James, what AM I up to, hmm? Do you honestly
know? Or...is it just the HOPE that you know
what I am doing?

Bishop just stares at Falken as he leans back away from Bishop and steps around Bishop, nodding and smirking.

FALKEN (con't)
(accent)
The actuality of the matter is that you haven't the
closest idea as to what I am up to. The actuality
of the matter is that you came to South America,
for nothing. What did coming after me accomplish?
The loss of your comrades, yes?

Bishop quickly shoots a look of hate and anger to Falken, grinding his teeth as Falken leans down to Bishop's ear.

FALKEN (con't)
(accent)
Led astray to my plantation to die, even poor
little Dimone...incinerated to ashes by the very same
device he planned to take me down with...typical
I.C.T.U. sloppiness, sending amateur agents like him
after me, maybe they'll learn.

BISHOP
(shouting)
You son of a bitch!!

Bishops growls and jerks at Falken, unable to strike. Falken laughs and rises up as he and O'Rourke head towards the exit.

FALKEN (O.S)
(accent)
Say hello to Dimone for me.

Falken and O'Rourke exit. Bishop jerks more and more, attempting to break free from the chains as the C4 explodes within the plantation. The struts are blown to pieces as the pipelines blow and release more Oxygen and Gas coolant, spreading the flames further as the entire plantation catches fire. Bishop hits the now steaming chains on his wrists over and over on the metal wall behind him. The intense heat weakens the chains enough for Bishop to break them. Several shards of steel and broken pipes fall from the collapsing ceiling.

Heat grows more intense. Bishop begins to cough violently as he reaches for a pipe. The sizzling heat scorches Bishops hands, the pain makes his hands jerk back. He grabs them again, and begins to slam the steaming pipe onto the lock attached to the chains of his ankles. The lock snaps off as Bishop screams in pain, and tosses the pipe aside. He quickly rises to his feet and heads towards the exit, but several portions of the ceiling land onto his back, sending him immediately down to the ground, out like a light.

Hall and Thompson come running in through the entrance and run over debree and scraps of metal, screaming Bishop and Memphis' name.

HALL
(Shouting)
Jack! Dimone! Come on guys, talk to me!
Please God, just respond!

THOMPSON
Hall! Over here!

Hall runs to Thompson's position. The two lift a load of debree and steaming metal off of Bishop's body. Hall puts his hand to Bishop's chest.

HALL
Shit, he's not breathing. Come on, we gotta
get him out of here, now!

Hall and Thompson lift the unconscience Bishop up and carry him over their shoulders out of the collapsing flaming plantation.

EXT. PLANTATION

Hall and Thompson run faster, while carrying Bishop over their shoulders as the entire plantation collapses into the ground, quickly becoming engulfed in flames.

EXT. RAIN FOREST - EVAC POINT

Hall and Thompson hand Bishop to two med units. They lift Bishop onto a stretcher and carry him inside the evac chopper as Hall and Thompson soon follow.

INT. EVAC HELICOPTER

One of the med units unzips Bishop's vest and rips his shirt open, revealing his bloodied and burnt chest.

MEDIC ONE
He's going into cardiac arrest. Stand back.

The medic places two defibrillators on Bishop's chest and releases a charge. Bishop's body jerks, nothing.

MEDIC TWO
I'm not reading any vidals.

MEDIC ONE
Clear!

He releases another charge into Bishop's chest. He jerks once again, but doesn't wake up.

MEDIC TWO
Come on, hit it again, we're losing him.

HALL
Come on, Jack! Hang in there!

MEDIC ONE
Clear!

Another charge, the camera closes up to Bishop's face.

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - NIGHT - TWO WEEKS LATER

FBI tactical squads come rushing to a large rural estate on the West side of the hills. Squad leader and his team use a battering ram to bash two boarded doors down to the ground while the operatives come storming in guns pointed forward. Two men wearing tactical vests and coats watch the attack from outside of Falken's safehouse. I.C.T.U. commander RICHARD MORGAN, (52) an average heighted man, light brown hair greying on the sides and FBI director KURTIS HOSHIMOTO, (43) Japanese, average height, has buzz cut short black hair and a very stern look on his face.

MORGAN
I still don't like this one bit, Kurtis.

HOSHIMOTO
(Attention on his men and not Morgan)
Now, now, Richard, you knew this was coming
after your failed mission in South America, at least
now Falken can't ambush our entire squad, right?

MORGAN
He could've fled the scene by now!

HOSHIMOTO
Surveillence has already looked into that. Agent
Soter was working on the inside with Falken and
his men, he had reported Falken being on sight
transporting several viral containers into his trucks
not more then 10 minutes ago. And surveillence
has yet to spot any of Falken's trucks driving along
any roads, freeways or tunnels within 20 miles of
the D.C. district.

MORGAN
You sure Soter's report has Falken on sight now?

HOSHIMOTO
Yes, it's all been taken care of, now relax Richard,
this isn't your investigation anymore, so do you mind
letting me continue with my job?

Morgan holds his hands up and steps aside nodding while Hoshimoto draws his radio on his belt.

HOSHIMOTO (con't)
(Into radio)
Tactics, have you located the target?

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

The inside of the warehouse is dusty and deserted. Several wooden crates are spotted, some looking to be brand new, others covered in cobb-webs. No sign of any of Falken's men or Soter.

SQUAD LEADER
(Into radio)
Target is not in sight yet, continuing our sweep
of the parimeter.

HOSHIMOTO (V.O)
Copy that.

Squad leader lowers his radio back on his shoulder holster and continues to point the light off of his Mp5 around the living room.

INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

Operatives open the to the shipping center of the warehouse. One operative separates from the others and continues his search. The sound of rustling is heard by an old metal shelf. The operative points his light at it, and out comes a tiny rat eating the remains of something rotten within an open can. The others search and find a man in an undershirt and black boxers tied and gagged with blood leaking out of his mouth.

Squad leader rushes to the man, untying him, but as he reaches the gag, blood spills immediately out of his mouth. The squad leader opens the man's mouth and sees blood oozing out from his mouth.

SQUAD LEADER
Shit, it's Soter. His tongue's been cut out
of his mouth.

The others stare at Soter who is crying from pain and fear. Another operative continues his search and finds one of Falken's trucks. He immediately runs to the bed of the truck and finds several of Falken's crates. He begins opening one while Soter attempts to scream but can only make gurgled noises.

EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

Morgan wanders aimlessly back and forward, rubbing his chin.

MORGAN
(Concerned tone)
Something isn't right, it shouldn't be taking
tactics this long to find Falken.

HOSHIMOTO
(Angry tone)
Richard, for the last Goddamn time, my team
has everything under contr-

The sound of the warehouse exploding cuts Hoshimoto short as the two startlingly stare back at the warehouse. Several operatives run away from the sight when on sight firefighters run to the explosion signalling for firehoses.

FIREFIGHTER ONE
Get medics out here now!

The scene has become one of pandemoneum. Operatives running away while medics and firefighters run towards the explosion. Morgan approaches Hoshimoto and grabs him by the collar and points to the explosion.

MORGAN
(Shouting angrily)
Does THAT look like you have ANYTHING under
control?! Does it?!

Morgan releases Hoshimoto and wanders back fuming. Hoshimoto stares at the flame covered warehouse jaw open.

MORGAN
Get on the line, Kurtis, I don't think NSA is going
to be too thrilled that there's a reknown terrorist
terrorizing D.C. Still have everything under control?
God, you stupid son of a bitch.

INT. WASHINGTON D.C. - ST. VIRGINIA HOSPITAL - MORNING

Bishop slowly opens his eyes at the sight of Hall, Thompson and Morgan standing near the hospital bed. Bishop raises his head still out of it from the morphine and AV plugged into his wrist.

BISHOP
(Groggy)
How long was I out?

HALL
A little more then two weeks. That pipe hit you
in the head pretty hard. We thought we lost you,
Jack.

BISHOP
(Groggy)
Not yet.

Bishop looks around, and only sees Hall, Thompson and Morgan. He rises from the bed.

BISHOP (con't)
(Less groggy tone)
Where's Dimone?

They are all silent. An expression of concern hits Bishop's face.

HALL
Jack, he didn't make it.

A stern look grows over Bishops face, Hall takes a deep breath.

HALL (con't)
After we rushed you back home, we had clean-up
do a sweep around the Plantation, we couldn't find him.
Odds are the explosion on the helipad did Memphis in.

Bishop covers his face with his hands, rubbing his forehead stressfully. He looks back at Hall and Thompson remoursefully.

BISHOP
It's not right, Dimone didn't deserve to die there.
He didn't deserve to die by that filthy scums hands.

MORGAN
No he didn't, neither did FBI's tactics force last night.

BISHOP
What are you talking about?

MORGAN
After we screwed up in South America, FBI took over
the investigation, and well, screwed it up even more.
FBI traced Falken to a warehouse using that tracking
device you and Dimone planted on his chopper.

HALL
Secretary of Defense Ross Stevens gave Hoshimoto the investigation,
and he fucked EVERYTHING up man. He send tactics in a
warehouse to capture Falken, and as it so happens, the bastard
wired the entire place to blow, he and his men escaped using
an entire network of underground tunnels. The agent inside
was feeding Hoshimoto the wrong intel. 'Cause when we
checked the containers still in the warehouse out, they were
all empty. Fucking dummy crates. He was just setting us up.

Bishop rises from the hospital bed and swings his hand at the nightstand near his hospital bed, knocking over several tin cups and bandage wraps.

BISHOP
(Angry tone)
Fucking pencil neck shithead! Does Hoshi even
care about finding Falken? He killed my friend, we
NEED to be on this op, sir, you have to understand.

MORGAN
Well, NSA's in control now, but their chief of operations
gave us the okay to lend a hand.

BISHOP
In other words, we have this?

MORGAN
In a matter of speaking. But I can't send you against
Falken, Jack.

Bishop looks at Morgan for a second and rises, his AV pulls him back but he pulls the AV cart closer to him.

BISHOP
I know you didn't just tell me I can't have
Falken, sir. TELL ME you didn't just say
that.

MORGAN
Jack, you're one of my best agents, but unlike
Hoshimoto, I give a shit about my agents. You're
in no condition to take on Falken's men, physically
or mentally.

BISHOP
What?! Give me a break. I have a few cuts and
bruises, I'll manage. And mentally? What the hell is
that supposed to mean?

MORGAN
I understand Agent Memphis was a close friend to
you, Jack. But I'm worried you won't be able to handle
yourself on the field. Your rage-

BISHOP
(Interrupting)
Will fuel me to take on Falken's entire little army. Sir,
I have to do this, we screwed up at the plantation, and
Falken made this personal. You have to understand sir,
I have to do this.

Morgan is silent, he still isn't convinced, Bishop waves his hand and sits back down on the bed. Hall steps in.

HALL
Sir, if I may, Bishop's fought through worse. And we
all owe it to Memphis, he would've wanted us to get
Falken.

MORGAN
Michael, just promise me one thing then, keep an eye
on Jack, make sure he doesn't get that empty head of
his blown off, okay?

Bishop looks up at Morgan and smiles slightly.

BISHOP
Thank you sir. You won't have to worry about a
thing.

MORGAN
Save the bullshit, please, just be careful, we still
don't know just what exactly Falken was growing
or if he's weaponized it yet.

BISHOP
What about the pictures Dimone took? Couldn't
narcatics I.D. it?

MORGAN
It's not narcatics, we sent it up to the higher ops.

BISHOP
EPA?

MORGAN
Yes, even their team can't identify this flower yet,
they're still trying to get an analyst from the remains
they found in South America. But the extent of the
burns make it almost impossible to confirm an I.D.
on it yet, but hopefully that'll change.

BISHOP
I understand.

MORGAN
Okay, I'll sign you out, Hall will take you back to
HQ once the meds get you patched up.

Morgan, Thompson and Hall head for the exit, Bishop stops them.

BISHOP
Sir, there's one more thing.

MORGAN
What?

BISHOP
You and I both know there's no way Falken could've
set us up twice now.

MORGAN
I know.

BISHOP
What are you thinking?

MORGAN
That there has to be a leak somewhere else. FBI has
records of I.C.T.U. missions too. These are my people,
Bishop, I know NONE of them could be leaking intel
to Falken.

BISHOP
But-

MORGAN
(Interrupting)
Let me worry about my people, you just go and take
care of Falken.

Bishop nods while the others leave him alone. He lies back down in bed looking up at the ceiling, and rubs his face.

INT. EPA HEADQUARTERS - LAB

DR. RAYMOND CARROL, (46) short-brownish grey hair, dark skinned, wears lab glasses and a lab coat, looks in a teleposcope, zooming into a burnt plant. He zooms in and closes in on the plants' compounds.

CARROL
Come on, work with me here.

He zooms in even closer, monitoring the remaining cells flowing through the burnt plant. He tilts his head curiously and carefully zooms in even closer. The cells are moving very irregularly. They are reproducing more and more cells as he looks closer into the teleposcope. He looks out of the teleposcope and gasps in astonishment. Another scientist approaches him.

CARROL
The cells of this flowers remains, they're reproducing
twice the speed of any forest plants. And this one has
already been exposed to sunlight and burnt. It's almost
as if these cells are trying to survive, it's very bizarre.
It looks like they don't reproduce this quick unless they
feel a sense of emergency or danger, which explains
why whoever was harvesting wasn't infected, because
the plants were still stable.

SCIENTIST
That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Come with
me.

INT. EPA HEADUQUARTERS - TESTING CHAMBERS

Carrol and the scientist enter the testing chambers. A bright lighted chamber with white walls, and a protective bullet proof window for the analysts to examine the test subjects. Carrol and the scientist approach a table holding a cage with two lab rats inside. The scientist takes a small vile with green liquid inside of it and grabs the water of the rats. He opens the cap and slowly releases three tiny drops from inside the vile and closes the vile and water. He puts the water tank back in the rats cage.

CARROL
What is this?

SCIENTIST
I put only three drops of the chemicals
we were able to synthisize from the remains
of the burnt plants into subject A's water tank.
Watch this.

Carrol looks closer at the rats cage while a black rat wanders to the water tank and begins drinking from the water tank. The rat finishes drinking and runs towards the wheel, seconds after reaching the wheel the rat drops dead.

CARROL
What in the world....?

SCIENTIST
Keep watching.

The second rat climbs out from it's little matchbox and approaches the first rat. It begins sniffing the dead rats' body and goes back to examing the dead rats' body. It stops almost a minute later and drops dead. Carrol steps back and stares back at the scientist.

SCIENTIST (con't)
I think you may be correct about the cells intelligence.
The cells produce twice as much in liquid form, and once
they move to a different organism, they begin to immediately
eat away at all white blood cells within the blood stream. The
cells then release a poisonous substance into the blood stream
and bodies circulatory system, trying to take full control. In
doing so, the subject is overpowered by the cells and dies.

CARROL
How quickly do the plants cells move?

SCIENTIST
By my calculations, the cells travel twice the speed of
the white blood cells travelling throughout the entire blood
stream. Circulating through every inch of the stream. And once
the plants cells reach the heart, they contaminate the hearts
blood flow and release even more of the poisonous cells.

CARROL
Once it reaches the heart, then the subject dies?

SCIENTIST
Precisely. And since the rat's body is so small, the cells
reach the blood stream through a matter of seconds. And
once the subject is dead, the poisonous gasses carrying the
last of the cells is released from the body so the cells can live on
and move to a new host to feed off of, otherwise, they die.

CARROL
My God....

SCIENTIST
It's unlike anything I've ever seen in biohazardous
warfare. This could be the most deadly chemical
agent we've come across.

CARROL
And if Falken is capable of somehow weaponizing it,
then we could be in very big trouble.

SCIENTIST
Since he can't force people to drink the chemicals, we
can only assume he plans on weaponizing it into aerosoft
form.

CARROL
We have to warn the White House. Get Secretary Stevens
on the line right now.

INT. D.C. DAM - WATER PURIFICATION CHAMBER

The chamber has metal walls with metal walkways surrounding a large water purification generator. Two security guards patrol the area while water generators send water from the river into turbines for purification. The main entrance door opens, in comes DRAKE FOSTER, (28) short slicked back brown hair, black shades, a white dress shirt and black pants, wears a flak jacket with the EPA logo on it. Behind him, several men wearing white biohazard suits and bullet proof vests enter the chamber, all carrying semi-automatics. The two security guards approach Foster, halting him and his men.

DAM SECURITY ONE
Whoa, whoa, whoa, who the hell are you,
and what are you guys doing here?

Foster takes his badge from his vest and points it towards the guards' face. He puts it back in his vest.

FOSTER
Agent Foster, EPA. We've been ordered to monitor
the dam after President Dorian issued a terror red alert
over the country. Recent research within our department
has given us reason to believe that any centers connecting
to D.C. waterlines or gas companies could very well be
terrorist attack zones, and we can't risk the terrorist releasing
his poison in our water supply.

DAM SECURITY TWO
Hold on, we've already beefed up security
around here, what that isn't enough?

FOSTER
I'm only following orders sir.

Two more biohazard units enter the area, both carrying large viral containers. The guards look at Foster with curiosity.

DAM SECURITY ONE
Wha...? What the hell is that?

Foster reaches from his belt and pulls a silenced 9.mm from his gun holster, and points it right in the security guards' face, shooting him in the forehead. As his body falls backwards, the second guard points his gun at Foster but is shot in the throat, dropping him flat on his back before he could open fire.

FOSTER
As I said, I'm only following orders.

Foster puts his gun back in his holster and approaches the biohazard soldiers.

FOSTER (con't)
Kill everyone on sight. And hurry, we don't have much time.

All but three of the biohazard soldiers exit the chamber. Two carry the container towards the turbine. One turns a valve on top of the container and pulls it up, revealing a large bullet proof cyllinder, containing the green liquid. He opens the top and begins to pour it in the water purification pool, as it mixes with the rest of the water into the turbine.

The entrance door opens once more. In comes in Falken and O'Rourke. Falken now wears a black coat underneath, a dark red buttoned shirt, and black pants while O'Rourke wears white biohazard gear identical to those of the other soldiers and a thick flak jacket.

FALKEN
(accent)
How much longer?

FOSTER
It'll be a couple of hours before the Colchicum can
fully fuse with the rest of the water.

FALKEN
(accent)
Good, then our man will be here before it's fully fused.

FOSTER
Your same source that gave you the lead on FBI's
ambush?

FALKEN
(accent)
No, I still need him on the inside, our lead from
South America. He's managed to synthisize the
Colchicum into gas form, he says he has big plans,
and that he wanted to tell me in person.

O'ROURKE
(accent)
D.C.'s fall'n right into our hands.

FALKEN
(accent)
This is only the beginning, first the dam, then the
waterlines, then before we all know it, D.C.'s entire
water supply will be contaminated. The President
will be helpless. It's only a matter of time before
he gives into our demands.

Solid Snake The Great - August 23, 2007 12:20 PM (GMT)
Well, after reading that, I agree with my first statement. The way you write and the content is solid. Description is good for a screenplay. Speech is excellent. The plot is gripping, but similar to BB. I, however, never saw Batman Begins and would love to see the rest of this screenplay. :D

orionx103 - August 23, 2007 05:07 PM (GMT)
For one, let me tell you that you don't have to re-write your entire screenplay just yet. You have plenty of time to work with the script because there's not really a deadline, that I know of anyway. George Lucas's first draft of Star Wars was a movie version of the old Flash Gordon serials. You're first draft isn't your finished project, it's your starting point.

EDIT: It might sound weird to say that, but it's the truth. No one writes a perfect script on their first time. Stephen King said you're second draft = first draft - 10%. That was about novels, but I'd keep it in mind.

If you want to try to re-write some of the story or all of it to try something new, it's always a good idea, but don't throw away the first draft just yet.


BigK - August 23, 2007 08:49 PM (GMT)
Oh no, I wouldn't rewrite it completely like I did with GZ, no I'd be changing a lot of the plot though, action sequences, or possibly cutting the entire Dam sequence if it's too similar to BB. As a screenwriter in progress, I know that all first drafts start horribly, I just post it at SS, get my critique, restart, making fixes, post the next draft, get more critique, edit again, and I keep doing it until it's absolutely perfect. But my concern is since producers at Touchstone pictures had given DE interest, I need to make sure it is nothing like BB otherwise I could be facing copywrite violations, and the chances of me selling another script'd be shot down the well.

But thank you, I do understand what you mean, for now I just gotta finish up with the script, post it at SS and probably over here too, get my critique, and edit it up. If, after everyone reads it 100% and it still reads like the BB screenplay, then I have to revamp, otherwise, I just may be in the clear. :)

Solid Snake The Great - August 23, 2007 09:26 PM (GMT)
Wow, Touchstone have showed interest in Dementium Effect. How much could you sell a script for these days?

BTW, by SS you mean Simply Scripts?

BigK - August 23, 2007 10:06 PM (GMT)
QUOTE (Solid Snake The Great @ Aug 23 2007, 09:26 PM)
Wow, Touchstone have showed interest in Dementium Effect. How much could you sell a script for these days?

BTW, by SS you mean Simply Scripts?

No no no, a small time producer of Touchstone, said he'd look into it, he's taking it and reading it so far, there's no way in hell I'll be able to sell DE to them NOW, after film school then I have a shot.

And yes, SimplyScripts.

Lore - August 23, 2007 10:42 PM (GMT)
Admittedly I have only written 2 small scripts but I find it helps a lot to draw up a storyboard first.

iAn - August 24, 2007 08:06 AM (GMT)
Hmm... if only it was standard Screenplay Format...
http://www.scriptologist.com/Magazine/Form...formatting.html

That will give your screenplay a more serious note.

Without proper formatting, a screenplay can easily be brushed off as amature and people won't care for it as much as it they should.

QUOTE
We recommend that you read professional screenplays and familiarize yourself with formatting.


And your giving way too much details.

"Several South American migrant laborers, wearing raggedy clothes, covered in dirt and sweat are pulling mysterious white flowers from the soil. On the side lines are roughly eight Russian soldiers, wearing dark green uniforms, all armed with AKS-74U's.
One migrant worker picks up a harvesting basket of the flowers and carries it to the bed of a harvest truck east of the labor field. Once the basket is in, the worker wipes the dirt and sweat from his face and approaches one of the Russian soldiers."

Should be like this:

"Several migrant laborers are pulling white flowers from the soil. They are surrounded by russian soldiers. A MIGRANT LABORER approaches a RUSSIAN SOLDIER after loading a truck."

If you want to give details, your better off writing a novel.




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