As you see I put this in the Confession forum...if I wanted your Opinion I would have put it there. So I truly do not want people coming in here saying things like, "Drugs are BAD!" or "You're gonna die!" and so on...get over yourself...your words are not life changing and don't act like I've never heard that shit before.

Since somebody posted about Shrums I decided to come clean with something myself....my doctor told me that I'm gonna be spending the next few weeks talking to a shit load of people anyway, so I might as well practice.

I'm going into rehab Tomorrow morning at 11. When I was a Freshmen in High School I was at the High point of my life. Just got into High School and I was the fastest runner in the state. Sports was my life and my coach was an Olympic runner that promised me that she would help get me to the Olympics...but I ended up breaking my hip. Which lead the doctors to perscribe me vicodin...that was the beginning of the end for me. Year after year I got injured, broken hip again, broken neck, hip again..so the vics kept on coming. Also the stress of not being able to run again got to me and I started developing ulcers. So I've taken vics for many many many years now.

It was a few years ago that I lost my ex and my chance at being a father. So I let that get to me even more. I started taking 15-20 vics a day at 750mg. Some of you might know that you're not supposed to take more then 2-3 a day. It was killing my liver in the end. So I had a friend that swithced me to oxycotin. This is a pain medication that they give to dying cancer patients. Most say that 10mg is enough to make them throw up and pass out...I was taking 80mg on average a day. And since I was buying them from a friend this was costing me $20 to $100 a day.

A few months ago I decided that this was destroying my life...cause once you get addicted to a pain pill, the pain you were taking them for is amplified by like...3x or even more. So my entire body hurt so bad that I would cry at night and not be able to sleep for days up to weeks. And this is coming from a man that ran track, played football, and won state championships on a broken hip and neck.
So I tried to wing myself off by taking methadone...which is what they give you in rehab centers to help you get off the stuff...cause there is no way I wanted to pay fucking $37,000 for rehab when methadone is $3 a pill...

In the end though, that made things worse. Because now I am addicted to methadone...which is harder on you then everything else. It is also harder to get out of your system.

So now I am admitting myself into rehab and they say that methadone could be in my system for quite a while. So I'm expected to be gone for at least 6-7 weeks. Then I'll be going through theropy to talk out my life issuse.

To make things worse, I can't take any pain medication anymore for the rest of my life. Which is one of the main reasons I've gotta go through theorpy...because I needed the medication for a reason. Its like breaking every bone in your body and the doctors telling you to 'deal with it'....because if I take something I'll be hooked again... :(

So moral of the story...stay away from narcotics whenever possible. I'm 21 and I'm gonna have to go through the rest of my life in pain with no help whatsoever...

Oiy...I was really hoping you wouldn't post this man, it's no one else's business. But since it's already out there, I understand you got a loada shit on your plate kiddo, and I just wanna wish you the best of luck. I truly hope you get better man, I do.

Yeah, I really was questioning weather I should or not. But I can't sleep and I've been pacing back and forth waiting for the next 8 hours to go by...since I'm sitting here all alone the pain has been getting worse and I felt I needed to say something or talk to somebody.

I've been thinking of doing some stupid things the past two days...not going to say what they are but you could assume.

Anyway, I don't care much anymore what others think of me. Those that think less of me for this, then screw em, they weren't a real friend anyway for me. Those like you that understand it, make me feel better and that separates those that I care to talk to and those that I ignore.

Good luck, Royce.

It is sad to hear things like this - I hope they help you and you can begin to resume a normal life soon.

Damn. I'm sorry to hear this Royce, and I wish you the very best of luck at the rehab centre. I hope you have a swift recovery.

Good luck man i really hope the best for you, my ex-girlfirend and still best friend was in rehab for a year because of oxy's a couple years ago before i knew her and i found out once that she did them again after she was out of rehab and i was pretty piseed. I mean she smokes bud and shit but, i didn't want her to go to doing the same shit that got her into rehab because if she had to go back i know she would have done what you were thinking about doing and has actually tried it before.

I hope you find some non-narcotic way to get rid of the pain though, because in our age of medicine and treatements their should be no reason a good guy like you should have to deal with pain like that for the rest of your life.

Let us know how it went when you get back man, good luck!

Respect.

I can't imagine the shit you've gone through Royce, but I have to say you're a damn strong person. Being able to admit what's happening to your life and getting yourself the help you need is one of the hardest things to do.

Respect.

Hey man, I don't know you on the personal level that some of these other guys do, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the enormity of what's happening to you. Not saying that I understand and know what your going through, because I don't, but I am able to grasp it. Sorry about what's happening to you, and hope you can get through it man.

I don't put you in the category of a drug (heroin, cocaine) addict because this incident was not your fault, it seems.

You are able to admit you need help, and are willing to go through bad Withdrawal symptoms to get it.


You sir, are a strong man.

Definitely man, getting addicted to painkillers isn't hard. My mum and one of my sisters got addicted to painkillers. Mum recovered, but my sister totally fucked up her life.

Power to you that you can get yourself the help you need man.

Yeah, I can't really imagine how you must be feeling, but it must be hell.
Your experience sounds pretty terrible, I'd hate to go through that, and it's very good you're getting this sorted out, if I was in your position, I doubt I'd seek help, as I'm mentally weak. But you aren't, you see your problem and you're trying to fix it, and that's a great start.

Best of luck in rehab, I hope you get better soon, I'm sure it won't be easy, but you've proven strong so far, just keep it up. Hope to see you back and feeling fine soon man.

Where to start....I guess I'll start with the good. I met Verne Troyer, you know, Mini Me from the Austin Powers movies. He once went there years back, and he came in for a NA meeting a few days ago, since he lives around here. It was great to watch him ride around on his scooter.

But one person...I know millions that would kill to get the chance I had and if you wouldn't you just wouldn't care. I had a roommate come in, and he was followed by a ton of people asking for an autograph. He came in and we started talking (I had no clue who the hell he was) and then after a few hours I found out he was a member of the band ICP. I laughed my ass off cause I always hated the band and told him this straight up. So what happened? He just left my house and is coming over again tomorrow...he says I'm one of the few people in this life he trust and wants me to travel on the road with him.

Funny thing also, I was the youngest person there and after my second day I was elected as "peer leader". Meaning I was the head of everybody there and told em all when to wake up and gave them all chores and so on...which in the end changed my life forever. Because a ton of these people had just got out of prison for murder and the works and they all followed my every word. As I left they all told me I was the greatest leader they ever had...which made me feel sooo fucking good.

Anyway, I'm not trying to glamorize rehab in any way. I wanted to leave that fucking place so bad. As I said before, I ended up there because of pain meds. And I STILL can't take any non-addictive pain meds...So now I'm taking Suboxone, which btw is 10x more powerfull then horein(sp) and so on...just to give you a gest. Out of all the addicts there, that had done coke and so on for 30+ years, I was the one there with the worse addiction because pills give you worse withdraws them anything else.

There were two horein(sp) addicts that came through. One killed himself, and the other left after two days. Methadone (which I took) is stronger then that...and I never left so that makes me feel good. So now I am on Suboxone, which cuts off the opiate receptor in you're brain. So if I were to get in an accident today and end up in the hospital. And they gave me ANYTHING, I would OD and die. I can no longer take other medications or else I will die. Nothing... For the rest of my life, and I am 21.

But the classes helped out so much, learned through the teachers and other addicts. Simple things too, such as that topic I made about lying...damn near everybody there brought it up...it was a fucking class for crying out loud...and everybody discussed it in the same way I was hoping for.

I never thought I'd be friends with life long drug addicts and murders, but now they are better friends to me then anybody else in this life. The person I called my "Hero" when I first got there, had just got out of jail, which he had spend most his life for double murder.

Things are so amazing, and so fucking different. There are a million things to tell, but right now my suboxone is kicking in and my eyes are starting to roll...so I'm just gonna float around for a bit.

That's fantastic to hear man. thats awsome about the ICP thing i hate them too but thats still pretty cool. How long are you supposed to be on the Suboxone is there any risk of getting addicted to that?



PS: Float on

I'm really sorry for your troubles bud, and I get that it must've been really rough in there. Just glad you made it out in one piece, I hope that you're doing better now man, really I do.

You certainly sound better, so there's a start, right? Anyway, good to see you back and free. Just remember, you aint obligated to show up here if anything comes up man, it's all good. But I'm glad you're okay now.

I certainly hope your feeling well man. Can't say as to the truth of it, but I hope you are. Take it easy man. ^_^

They gave me a month script of suboxone and a two refils...which just seeing that I knew I was in danger. Because, yeah you can get addicted to it. But it is so new and rare that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to find off the street or ask your doc for a new perscript. Its like Bentyl...which they use for people with Open heart surgery.
But they said, with methadone the withdraws will last for months and months...which sucks. I'm feeling bad withdraws atm, but I'm gonna wait on the subs.

I was amazed at the women there. Firstly, I was the youngest person there until the night before I left. This 15 year old girl came in. Her arms were more fucked up then any other addict there...and there were people that had used 30-50 years! She had holes all up and down her arm and even on her throat (if you don't understand the throat, I won't tell). But anyway, at 15 she was brain dead because of it. She stared off into the distance the entire time and only spoke to herself...she would just have these weird ass conversations...was very sad to see because she was very beautiful.

Anyway, other women, all the women there were "pary" girls...so most of them were damn fine. This women came in and we got to talking...she was fine as hell. So we start talking, and I'm thinking she is 22-24...come to find out them damn women was 46! She has a kid my age...Twas amazing...didn't stop me though lol. Not until I saw some of my family recently...now I don't think I'll meet up with her. She's older then my damn mother.

Haha, ray of sundhine then?

Interesting enough, as there are women that stay hot for a long ass time.

Well, the withdrawl must be the worst man, but it's good that your getting that suboxone shtuff, help you out.

...the 15 year old girl makes me sad though... :(

That is sad, my ex was only 16 i think when she went to rehab for oxy's and she is one of the most beutifull women ive ever meet. One funny story she told me about rehab is she got caught taking a shower and fooling with her roomate(who was also a girl) and they put them both in solitary for a day. She said it was worth it though and only laughed about it. B)

Ah i miss that lying bitch.... :unsure:

Here you'd get kicked out for it. If I wasn't peer leader, they would have kicked me out for holding hands with Tammy.

Heck...they even kicked somebody out for being two minutes late for class...its crazy. People come for help and they turn em away for being so fucked up that they missed a few minutes.