I've written almost 400 poems in 5 years time. Here is one of my best.

-Struggle-
Today was another struggle for the kids and I...
No food to eat..
No place to live...
We had no where to go,
We struggle to survive the adversity
That's alive...
Mathew left us for the better,
And we struggle day by day,
Why does Hoover sit there and watch?
My family and I were shoved out onto the streets...
My youngest died today from starvation...
I am in thin and weightless rags...
Day by day we struggle,
And strive to stay alive,
The depression is creating a monstrous path,
Destroying anything it can find
I've lost my mind,
George keeps tugging on my skirt,
Saying, "mommy, I'm hungry."
As much as I'd love to put food in his stomach
To help him stay alive,
I wish I could,
Give him everything his heart desires...
But with Hoover sitting there and doing nothing,
I as a mother am struggling...
We live in a shantytown now,
And today we were forced to leave...
It's sad to say my precious child
Won't survive...
Therefore I struggle...
The nights are cold and dark,
My struggles are building up
It's the tension I can't handle...
I'd like to be able to fight the struggle,
And die for my child...
But without me he wouldn't live...
I think this stuggle is the hardest thing
I've ever had to face,
My sweet George died of a disease today,
We had no money,
I would've spared my life for his,
Had we had the money to cure him,
This wouldn't have happened.
I struggle all alone now...
After a few more days in a rundown shantytown,
I'll waste away to nothing
As I struggle to live...
Hoover, is kicked out of office after four years,
It seems as if nothing is going to improve anytime soon....
I write this poem,
And I've decided to take my own life,
As I leap off this building and into the street....

~KillingEyes07

I think I rather liked it. You use an interesting style that is representative...but pretty straightforward as well. All in all, pretty damn good I would say. :thumb:

Thank you very, very much. I write free lance aside from the poems I wrote when I first began. But I'm hoping to someday become published and I know I will get there...knowing my husband is going to help me get there.

~KillingEyes07

I liked it too, pretty emotional and touching stuff.
It's not very often I come into this part of the forum, poems like this remind me to correct that in the future.
Great work. :D

I didn't really like it. It didn't have any of the "Show but don't tell" mystique of poetry, it was a straightforward storytelling kind of poem, which is fair enough, Seamus Heaney has made a fortune from it, but I don't care for it much.

Just because it doesn't have "Show but don't tell" mystique of poetry doesn't mean it's not good. Every writer has a different opinion of how everything should be written. That was for a project anyways.

I know, that's why I tried to emphasize that it's just my opinion. Take it as you will.

Meh, JCC usually offers constructive critisism, so don't take it badly. :thumb: