If heart was made of stone
So cold there on its throne
Feelings are numb, would it succumb
It's resting all alone

If skin was made of ice
No possible disguise
Feelings are numb, would it succumb
So sad, but yet so nice

If eye was made of haze
A shattered, blurry maze
Feelings are numb, would it succumb
The loss of a happy gaze

An isolated you
By tables meant for two
Feelings are gone, there all alone
An isolated you

Eh, it just about withholds itself from so many general cliché's, so that's alright. You've got a few metaphors that borderline the lame, so I was close to yawning but didn't quite. I just pulled a fairly unimpressed face.

:mellow: <<--

The format works but it's nothing special. If you're having a repeating line for every stanza, it needs to be a tad more powerful. For some reason, I didn't like the whole 'succumb' jargon. Seems a tad standard just to whack something about feelings and succumbing. Oh the heartache.

Please avoid the use of 'nice' at all costs, not a wise choice of word...for anything, ever. 'Happy' and 'sad' aren't that great either, but they'll suffice in the context you used them.

Some of the rhyming words seem like they've just been thrown in there for convenience so it sometimes doesn't flow too well. 'haze' and 'maze' I wasn't too fond of. Whether your eye being made of 'haze' is a metaphor or not, it's ridiculous. I did not pull a happy gaze, no no.

:mellow: <<--

Last stanza had no impact on me, could have seen that coming really. Dunno, maybe I'm being over-critical now, can't really help myself. It's like you tried to stray away from the typical bullcrap like 'oh my my heart bleeds, I need to find the seed, from thy holy dove, the seed of love', but still retain that hint, that smell of typical bullcrap.

Needs less crap.

Oh I feel I should end on a positive comment otherwise I'm just cruel.

Good ...effort. Ah, can't do it properly, I'm a cock.

Wow...wow...I choked on a piece of ice while reading Refluce's review...I should write some things just to get his review. That was the greatest thing ever.

Anyway, not much more for me to add, other then agreeing on the wording such as 'nice', 'happy', and so on.

Firstly, iambic pentameter sucks. It's okay though, because you failed at it numerous times anyway.

The heart is a TIRED old metaphor. Do something inventive. Go back to the old Elizabethan adage of thinking that love was in the liver rather than the heart. Do anything but witter on about the bloody heart.

Yes?

Is the throne a metaphor for the ribcage?

Depends, are these unique feelings that have nerve endings, therefore making the numbness possible?

Did the bladder not feel like coming out today?

It would be like something out of Batman and Robin? That film sucked.

Shitty rhyme.

Again, it would have to find some nerve endings for the feelings first.

... Eh?

What's the other made of, plasticine?

How do you shatter a maze?

Nerve endings.

It's made of haze anyway, so it wouldn't see anything. It is a non-functional eye.

:o Me?!

Poor tables must feel so cheated.

Feelings have lost their entourages and bodyguards? Aw shucks.

Bleh.

Haha, man I've told you so many times, poetry is not your calling. Why don't you ever listen to me? :lol:

Thanks for all the beautiful feedback everyone. i'm not gonna give up, despite how much some of you might want it. i shall return soon with more poetic poetry.

Hopefully you do you evil....spammer...you!

It wasn't too bad so keep at it. Barely read it today. ^_^