Intro

Drink
And fuck
And do it all again the next day
With no means
Of escape
It's the very least they can do

Verse #1

Sometimes I can't believe what I see
Are the conscious of their own misery?
They don't think to stop and look around
At what they're doing to themselves...

Pre-Chorus

Can't they see what's happening
Can't someone please see what's going on?
If they don't wisen up they'll soon find themselves
Drowning in their own filth

Chorus #1 (Work in Progress)

With shit you can hardly swallow
I guess you can't help but follow
But when it puts you face down on the floor...?
Strange how it's actually me
That can't take it any more

Verse #2

I like awake when I 'sleep'
I'm trying to drown out their goddamn droning
It's much easier pretending
One day I'll make them see (lame line, placeholder)

Chorus #2

With shit you can hardly swallow
I guess you can't help but follow
But when it puts you face down on the floor...?
Put a gun to my head
And paint the walls with my brains (sounds familiar)

Well, that's it. The chorus may or may not be changed, it's obvious what I'm talking about, and there's a huge over-use of 'they', the mysterious and bodiless entity not specified in this rant song. I'd write up the music for it (which I think is really good) but since last time no-one knew how the fuck to read it, I see no point in doing so. Anyway, feedback- positive and negative, suggestions, etc(Also, someone come up with a title for it, lol). Thanks.

Pretty cool song man. You just need to get a tune to it, so we can hear how it's supposed to sound. It really is a bit hard to read it when the rhythm changes at points. I'd say it should be called 'Shit you can hardly swallow', just cause I like that line. :P

Thanks man.
I dunno if I should title it that, it's the most 'obvious' (spelt-out) line in the whole song, maybe something a little more subtle? But yeah, thanks for the feedback. :P

Nice happy topic then :P

It's good, but the rhythm seem to change throughout, it'd probably be better to hear with music.

I like that. Dead Kennedys style, Too Drunk To Fuck!

That sounds good apart from the last line, unless the 'themselves' part is where you go into a Mike V and The Rats style breakdown of a mute chord to lead into a pounding Punk chorus.

'Can't someone see what's going on?'
The 'please' is unneccessary and jars the flow of the lyrics a little bit, but the rest is good, as long as there's the aforementioned breakdown.

'But when it's got you, face down on the floor'
'Strange how it's ME'

'One day I'll stop their drunken croning'
I don't know. Get a hold of a rhyming dictionary mayn.

It's pretty good though, old school Punk style.