he who cannot heareth
be his journey towards silent land
his senses give him new interpret
of circumstance surrounding

footsteps fadeth into the air
of everlasting lack of knowledge
for new land and vile creature
be his soul blesseth

the wish of seeking a path in life
a purpose of silent breath
longing for the voice of wife
his steps move forth and back

into a thick gray mist of doubt
a shadow is cast upon his trail

Better then last time! :D I don't see this one getting locked.

Firstly, -eth is a suffix that died a hundred years ago. It's pointless to lead a poetic renaissance, because it was a way of adding another syllable anyway, and since you don't write in metre, you've no need for it. Plus, it's cheesy.

Secondly, your grammar needs a lot of work.

his senses give him new interpret
of circumstance surrounding

You mean 'new interpretations'. Also, you leave out words, like;

he who cannot heareth
be his journey towards silent land

You mean 'be on', even though that's incorrect grammar anyway and should really be 'is on', but it's forgivable.

Thirdly, lines need a comma at the end unless they're carrying on the last line, for example, your first paragraph should be (with spelling and grammar corrections too);

He who cannot heareth,
Be on his journey towards silent land,
His senses give him new interpretations
of circumstance surrounding.

Fourthly, don't put -eth where it shouldn't be, that's even worse. 'Blesseth' should be 'blessed'.

Fifthly, I don't really like the subject.

Firstly, wether you like it or not, I'm gonna write exactly the way I feel like. If you think it's cheesy, eat less cheese bud.

Secondly, the grammar is supposed to be different from your everyday writing, you think i can't write? It's to give it a more poetic feel.

Thirdly, commas are not supposed to be there.

Fourthly, the -eth is beautiful

Fifth, that's your problem Jay See See

Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out.

He was just giving you some constructive criticism, there's no need to insult anyone. Also, your poem sure does need some work so I'd take the help.

That only works if you're Bukowski.

I love how you completely ignore any form of "rhythm" or "poetic structure" in your poem, it really adds to the, erm, originality of the piece. How about putting in a few more "eths" and "thous" in there, though? Maybe if you make it COMPLETELY incomprehensible, you'll get rid of the few pieces of criticism people have somehow managed to scrounge up... :P

I like you. I've decided to be nicer in my critiques, but I can still take great pleasure in watching others.

I'll be PM'ing you soon regarding the flaming.

out of my own poetry thread? the only one walking out here is you bud.

Thinshell: i love how you're saying this, when you probably don't even have a clue on how to write poetry. you must be jealous eh?

Jay-Rock: no, it works if your good at poetry, which i am.

It's been dealt with. If you choose to instigate the matter any further, you'll be warned as well. Back on topic.

my apologies. from now on, any criticism is greatly appreciated. Thanks for the help Jay.