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About Me

I feel I should use this even though I have nothing of any interest to say and it'll be read by very few you. Going to go a little off piste with it's intentions and use this as a dating profile rather than personal blog. May or may not be a parody.

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Oct 30

How to avoid a potential pitfall..

All I'm going to say is going to see "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2" is not a euphemism for, well I'm sure you can see where I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE this was going. I have a lifetime ban from AMC Cinemas and a pendling public order offence for 'indecent exposure' to verify this.

Seriously guys... Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2. Really...? If I take my 'Free Sub Coupon' to Subway and they don't honour it despite it being valid, would I be the one get in trouble then? No. I rest my case.

Just a heads up.

I will go in to detail as to how I managed to navigate the pond of online dating in order to get a "date" (now it's a 'court date', lying whore) another time.
Posted Oct 30 2013, 11:01:23 PM · 1 comment
Sep 8

Extended Profile

My lack of success here may be down to lack of detail on my Profile so I'll give some information based on the subjects this site suggests:

Hobbies: Using seldom used words on a frequent basis.
Goals: Creating a Dr Seuss / Dave Grohl inspired childrens book (possibility for a cartoon show) called "Horton Fears a Foo"
Uniqueness: Can say the alphabet backwards (while drunk too), my Marvin The Martian impression is semi decent although my Donald Duck one is now shamefullyy bad.
Music: I like music, all-in-all I give it 7/10. Maybe an 8/10 if it involves Josh Homme.

"I'm not very talkative but I'm a good listener." Translates to: "I've got nothing of interest to say what so ever, so please do the talking for both of us whilst I STARE at you for the duration." People like that should be euthanized as a precautionary measure.

Ideal date, Medjool Dates. Medjool dates are best dates.

Feel free to E Mail me on this webzone if you want a pizzaroll. Or conversation, I suppose.

Also, if you have any puns about salad lettuce know!
Posted Sep 8 2013, 05:14:22 PM · 3 comments
Aug 30

Just a quick note

While it's still fresh, if she references the horrid 'Dating' program that airs in the UK called "Take Me Out" in her tagline don't try and make a joke of it. Women (plural) do not respond well/at all to puns.

Let the whore/meet my floor
Not tight-y?/ No likey!
Let the chick/meet my dick!

Cheers, Paddy.
Posted Aug 30 2013, 08:59:27 PM · No comments
Aug 27

'Ladies' and THAT quote

Marilyn Monroe
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

When men read this on your profile it translates to:
Stupid Spoiled Slut
"I'm a complete bitch, total whore and I'm going to treat you like shit but I'm better than everyone else and you'll just have to put up with it. Because I have a vagina

I hope this helps. Because advertising you're a total drain on every aspect of another persons being isn't going to get you very far.

What do you mean why am I single? That's besides the point.
Posted Aug 28 2013, 12:39:21 AM · 6 comments
Jul 30

About me

6ft/183cm tall. Aries. Blue eyes. Two shades whiter than 'caucasion'. Blood type O+. Occasionally funny. Does not play well with others.
Posted Jul 31 2013, 12:53:10 AM · 4 comments
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