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| Funny Pics & Videos; And random funny things | |
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| Topic Started: Aug 12 2005, 12:04 PM (17,688 Views) | |
| SlyFOX | Aug 24 2005, 10:24 PM Post #21 |
"See you on the Dark Side of the MoOn"
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already been posted by me sorry to be such a stickler 
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 Kudos to Otacon | |
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| Firey_Snake | Aug 24 2005, 11:35 PM Post #22 |
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Do not read this message
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Thanks for that - edited out!
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 Blog | |
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| SlyFOX | Sep 10 2005, 03:54 AM Post #23 |
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"See you on the Dark Side of the MoOn"
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*bumpers* okay, i know Glarb will appreciate this how many EMO's does it take to change a lightbulb? 0, f*ck em, let em cry in the dark |
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Kudos to Otacon | |
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| lady snake | Sep 10 2005, 08:09 AM Post #24 |
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Hi-Tech Soldier
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Here's a few: 1. The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..." "Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down." "No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them." 2. i love these  :THINGS TO DO IN THE PUBLIC BATHROOM STALL 1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?" 2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before." 5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh sh*t!! My glass eye!!" 6. Say "Damn, this water is cold." 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from eight to 6 feet Sigh relaxingly. 8. Say, "Now how did that get there?" 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus." 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!" 11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters" 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please? 13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!! 14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot" 15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?" 16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks. 17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. 18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!" 19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free" 3. and these Most enjoyable ways to annoy the general public...... Always flush the toilet three times. Ask people what gender they are. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!!" At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is Just better quality Call the operator. When asked, Can I help you? reply, No thanks, just browsing. Call your neighbors collect. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book Construct elaborate crop circles in your front lawn with a mower. Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, Have you got enough air in there? Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as Feliz Navidad, the Archies' Sugar, or the Mr. Rogers theme song. Demand that everyone address you as Conquistador. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there. Every time you see a particular coworker, shout, So we meet again and laugh evilly. Face the back when standing in an elevator. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town. Hang around national monuments all day, trying to get in other people's vacation photos Honk and wave to strangers. In the memo field of all your checks, write for sensual massage. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions to keep them tuned up. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. Light road flares on a birthday cake. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your superior mental processing. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Make scary faces at babies. Mow your carpet. Mow your lawn with scissors. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns. Order a pizza and ask them if they can please put the crust on top this time in an exasperated voice. Page yourself over the intercom, and don't worry about disguising your voice. Pay for your dinner with pennies. Practice making fax and modem noises Pretend you are invisible pretend your computer mouse is a CB radio and talk into it. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of FBI copyright warnings. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'. Race the old woman for the last bus seat. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly "Frank Johnson!!Oh, wow!!837-9494!!!Holycow!!!!" Recite the first 100 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too Ride a unicycle to work. Run through the halls of your office building or school with your arms outstretched, making airplane noises. Periodically crash into pedestrians and lose a wing. Spiral to a crash and repeat. See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by the window. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle. Slap people and tell them to stop grabbing your ass. Smell smoke often and announce it. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look Stare at static on the TV and and tell people you can finally see the "3d image" Tell people that they're putting on weight nicely. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants. Throw newspapers back at paperboys. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce No, wait, I messed it up, and repeat. Try to fit the word cornucopia into every sentence you say Vacuum your lawn Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, Do you know the muffin man? Walk very slowly, and make sure nobody can get past you, move in front of them when the try. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. Wear your pants backwards. when a cop asks you to “walk to straight line” riverdance. Instead. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.) When at dinner at a fancy restaurant, keep blowing out the candle in the middle of the table, and blame it on your date. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Takenotes whenever your roomate comes out of the shower, lower your head and giggle. When in an elevator, in different voices, shout out random floors, and then watch as you get there, no one gets off. When people ask you to do things, mutter under your breath, This won't be neccessary where you are going. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises Whenever someone lights a cigarette, tackle the person and yell Stop, drop, and roll While driving if you see a How am I driving bumper sticker, call the number and inform the operator that the driver is doing a great job. While going down in an elevator scream, AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!! While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet While walking make car noises loudly (Such as changing gears). Yell across a crowded room to them: Hey, John, the results came back from the V.D. clinic: we're clean! |
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| Captain | Sep 13 2005, 05:38 PM Post #25 |
If your mudder get saucy beat da shit out of er
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Why are all black people fast.... because all the slow ones are in jail. one black perosn on the moon...ptoblem 10 black people on the moon....problem 100 black people on the moon....problem 1000 black people on the moon....problem all the blakc people on earth on the moon.....Problem Solved! Why doesn't jesus play hockey becuase hes afraid he'll get nailed to the boards. why are blakc people tall be cause they're ne-gros. |
 Click Here To see Naked Picture Of Ayumi | |
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| MGSTAMER | Sep 13 2005, 05:56 PM Post #26 |
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Captain, those jokes weren't funny and very offensive, don't be so ignorant, this forum is full of people of different backgrounds, don't go be dissing black people. No one on moon..... problem. Colin on moon.... problem solved! |
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| glarbinator | Sep 13 2005, 06:14 PM Post #27 |
loves david ten-inch
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Colin's a dumbass. |
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| Captain | Sep 13 2005, 06:25 PM Post #28 |
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If your mudder get saucy beat da shit out of er
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yeah i think that should be excused enough man you go around saying white jokes all the time sorry if it was offensive to you though i've turned into the asshole. |
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Click Here To see Naked Picture Of Ayumi | |
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| MGSTAMER | Sep 13 2005, 06:34 PM Post #29 |
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I say white jokes? Well it's good you did confessed, I'll forgive you, you better thank this isn't the real world
 How many Carl Johson's does it take to screw a lightbulb? Screw it there's none in GTASA, made it up pretty corny
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| sadistic_greyfox | Sep 13 2005, 07:06 PM Post #30 |
You're not alone
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captain, the little respect i had for you is now completly gone after that joke. that's just plain ignorance man. |
 "We already conquered Heaven and guess what? God wasn't home." | |
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| O Rei do Frango Assado | Sep 13 2005, 08:20 PM Post #31 |
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Since AD 1143
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Calm down, people. These are just jokes. Don't take them personally. In this topic, I've seen jokes about Irish people, Mexican people, jewish people, women, blondes and whatnot. Yet nobody said anything. Why are people being critic of Captain just because of some jokes about black people? Anyway, here are a few (these are just jokes; take no offense. If you do, I don't care): -What's the smartest thing that ever came out from a woman's mouth? Einstein's d*ck. -Why do women have legs? If they didn't, they'd leave a trail, like snails, when "walking". -A guard in a Nazi concentration camp sees a little jewish girl and goes talk to her: Guard: "Hello! How old are you, little girl?" Girl: "I'm four years old, but I'll be five tomorrow." Guard:"No, you won't." -What's the difference between dog sh*t and niggers? When dog sh*t gets old it turns white and quits stinking. - What do you get when you cross a jew and a gypsy? A chain of empty retail stores. -Why do jews have big noses? Because air is free. -Heinrich Himmler goes to visit a concentration camp. Himmler:"What a lovely caramel smell... What's in the oven? Guard:"The diabetic." -Why are chimps always frowning? Because they know that, in a million years, they are going to turn into niggers. |
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Até a barraca abana! NO RULES, GREAT SCOTCH. - Since AD 1849. [Insert any quote from Sheriff John Bunnell here] "Os meus remédios para a constipação são uma bruta foda e umas imperiais." - Fernando das Barbas | |
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| Captain | Sep 13 2005, 10:48 PM Post #32 |
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If your mudder get saucy beat da shit out of er
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yeah the main reason i posted those jokes is becuase i was mad about the irish one. |
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Click Here To see Naked Picture Of Ayumi | |
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| the_cobbinator | Sep 14 2005, 01:58 AM Post #33 |
Start it.
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Guys, use some common sense here. Even though jokes aren't meant to be taken seriously, that doesn't mean that they're all fair game on the forum. From here on out, all jokes must be free of racism and sexism. Blonde jokes are fine, but keep them to the more tame ones. Remember, this forum is all-ages, so let's try and accomodate all of them. |
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And you’ll be lost Every river that you tried to cross Every gun you ever held went off Oh and I’m just waiting until the firing stopped Oh and I’m just waiting ‘til the shine wears off | |
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| Endi | Sep 14 2005, 05:04 AM Post #34 |
Señor Poppyseeds
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...that's totally lame Mr. Cobb. You do that and then the terrorists truly have won! 
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| MGSTAMER | Sep 14 2005, 02:08 PM Post #35 |
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That isnt lame Endi, thats just respect. The only reason noone took the "Mexian, Jewish" etc jokes is because noone here is Jewish or Mexian, and there happens to be a black person (ME) and maybe some others, so I get offended because I saw the rascit joke. Use common sense will you guys? |
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| Canard | Sep 14 2005, 02:25 PM Post #36 |
DUCK!
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F*cks sake. These are jokes. Not opinions. Being offended by a bloody joke is pretty f**king petty. I wish political correctness was a person so I could punch it in the face. |
| In Canada, brb | |
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| MGSTAMER | Sep 15 2005, 07:35 AM Post #37 |
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Canard, jokes aren't an excuse of racism even if he didn't mean them, and Rei, that dog sh*t and niggers joke was even worst than Colin's stop being so racist, even if it is a joke. |
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| Scarface | Oct 9 2005, 02:14 PM Post #38 |
Im no pianist. Im a mechanic.
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What do you call a black pilot? a pilot you racist. A Mexicain, a Jew and a Black are all riding in a car. Who's driving? The Police officer.
Umm well almost everyone here is white.. and if you made a joke about white people that was racist i don't really think anybody would care. |
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| MGSTAMER | Oct 9 2005, 07:41 PM Post #39 |
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Wanna beat? They wouldn't take action if I posted that joke now cause' they want me to look bad
No rascim on this joke honest. Whats the ingrident in white people? Bird sh*t. I dont think many of you would like that now would you? |
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| Endi | Oct 11 2005, 08:28 AM Post #40 |
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Señor Poppyseeds
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lol, That was great. Someone give this man a cookie.
No, seriously guy...you're the only one who cares. And it's not because you're black. It's because you're lame. If you ask me, it's about time someone came up with some good white-jokes. I sure haven't heard any. Anyways, I'm feeling the need to post my favorite black joke: A black guy walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. Bartender says, "Hey, cool, where'd you get that?" Duck says, "Africa, they're all over the fu**ing place." |
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