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| My Metal Gear Idea; Need some imput from all my fav MGS fans | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 7 2008, 08:23 PM (324 Views) | |
| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 7 2008, 08:23 PM Post #1 |
Are you still human?
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I have an idea to write a MG story. I haven't come up with a title yet, but I have the plot and the characters sorted. It'll take place between MGS1 and 2 when Snake has joined Phalanthropy (I think I spelt it wrong :P) Story: Snake is now part of the anti-Metal Gear group Phalanthropy and has been sent on a mission to infiltrate a secret base created by ArmsTech. ArmsTech are aking a second attempt at building a Metal Gear prototype, codename 'Mantis'. Upon arriving however, he finds that the base has been taken over a group of mercenaries named 'Black Panther' lead by the mysterious soldier codenamed 'Tiger'. Characters: Solid Snake (duh!) Otacon (of course) Sgt. Rachel Jones Shortly after the Black Panther took over, Jones infiltrated the base, searching for her lover named 'Charlotte.' How she got there and who this Charlotte is is shrouded in mystery... Tiger Leader of the Black Panther, Tiger is a mercenary hired to retrieve Metal Gear at all costs. He has taken over the base and now awaits the arrival of his mysterious employer, question is who is it? Tiger is a skilled soldier who will kill anyone to achieve his goals without hesitation. All his men follow his orders without question (so long as they get their share of the money!). Plague A former WW2 soldier, he was sent on a mission to prevent a Nazi scientist from unleashing a deadly virus upon the world. During that mission, he became exposed. By a sheer miracle, he survived but is no longer human. The virus extended his life and has to wear a protective suit to prevent the disease from leaking from his body. This armour gives his exceptional strength and he can fire a cloud of the disease out of his gauntlets, causing a slow and painful death to whoever is exposed.. The other members must take regular injections to prevent them from being exposed by accident. Hawk Hawk was once a soldier who was killed in combat. Like Grey Fox, she was revived and experimented on to create the perfect soldier. Her strength and speed increased, she escaped her captures and joined the Black Panther to prove that she is the greatest soldier ever lived. She used twin katanas. Mr Smith Black Panther's demolition expert, Smith joined the group for one thing only: to blow shit up! Terror At a young age, Terror discovered that he had the power to create horrific illusions of a person's fear. Cast out by his family, he spent most of his life as an assassin, enjoying the pleasure of slowly killing people using their own fears. Sadistic and cruel, Terror tortures his prey until they beg him for death. Dispite his power, he is elderly and possesses no combat skills (he has never needed them). Dr Boris Levski Creater of Metal Gear Mantis, Levski put in place an incription code to prevent the terrorists from using Mantis. He is now being held prisoner and is tortured and interrogated every day in an attempt to get the code. Dr Dana Levski Dr Levski's daughter, she helped her father create Metal Gear with the other scientists. She is being forced to try to break her father's incription code. Well, I've given you a description of the plot and the characters who are in it. I shall post the first part when I have written it. I wonder if anyone can guess who the mysterious employer is? 
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| ..Liquid.. | Jun 7 2008, 10:14 PM Post #2 |
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Sounds good man. The characters sound pretty interesting, and you should continue with it. As for the employer, hmm Ocelot? lol. I'm looking forward to read the first part =D |
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| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 7 2008, 10:16 PM Post #3 |
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Are you still human?
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What made you think it was Ocelot? 
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| ..Liquid.. | Jun 7 2008, 10:22 PM Post #4 |
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Haha. Well, that he always informs people like that, and betrays him. It was just a guess, but yeah. Also I noticed you need to sort out some spelling, but I guess that can be done easy. Looking forward to the first one though, hope it gets good. |
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| Samuraisedge18 | Jun 8 2008, 12:07 AM Post #5 |
Lunatic Wizard
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nice. i'm guessing the mysterious charater is ocelot or solidus. you could make your character hawk a former discple of solidus like raiden. she could have been influenced to wield dual swords from solidus. there could also be some mention of raiden in her story. i was thinking that you could finish tieing everything up after you play mgs4. that way you'll know all the history and can potentially add stuff. |
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| NinjaGirl | Jun 8 2008, 03:06 AM Post #6 |
Explosives Specialist
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Wow, this sounds interesting. Can't wait!
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| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 8 2008, 12:15 PM Post #7 |
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Are you still human?
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Part 1 (A top secret base stands in the centre of a forest. It is midnight. A lone figure moves cautiously towards a checkpoint. He hides behind a tree, kneels down and activates his Codec.) Snake: This is Snake. I reached te checkpoint. Otacon: Already? Wow Snake that was fast. Snake: Should I slow down for you? Otacon: Very funny. OK, lets review. As you know, ArmsTech was unsuccessful in their attempt to build Metal Gear Rex. Snake: Thanks to us. Otacon: Yeah, its a shame really. Snake: A shame? You helped build it. Otacon: Yeah, I was a mad that it was being built to cause death on a large scale but still, I'm proud of all the tech put into it. Snake: ..... Otacon: Anyway, ArmsTech have build this base so they can attempt to create another Metal Gear prototype. The codename of this Metal Gear is 'Mantis', but other than that we know little about it. Snake: Thats all? I thought you were a master hacker. Otacon: Yeah, the hacking didn't go all that well. They've got one hell of a security system in place. I was lucky to get the location of the base! You're objective is to... Snake: Go in there and destroy it. Otacon: It was kinda predictable, wasn't it? Snake: Kinda. (Snake takes out his binoculars and looks around the checkpoint. There is a small office to the left and a large metal door blocking the entrance. Three guards are patrolling.) Snake: Theres a lot of guards. Otacon: You've been up against worst right? Snake: Yeah. (Snake suddenly hears a truck approaching. He sneaks around and follows it, hiding from sight at the back. The truck stops.) Guard: (to the driver) Lets see your ID. (Suddenly, one of the guards gets hit in the head by a bullet and falls. The other two guards notice.) Guard1: Get on the radio, call backup! (The radio guard is suddenly hit in the leg, and Guard1 gets hit in the chest, instantly killing him. Radio Guard is on the ground struggling to get his radio. Its kicked out of his hand and Snake points his SOCOM at him.) Snake: Tell me how to get inside. Radio Guard: Hah! You think I'll talk? Snake: You'd better. Radio Guard: Do your worst, I've sworn my alligience to the Black Panther! Snake: Black Panther? What the hell is that? (He hears helicopters approaching. Snake moves and hides in the office. There are three helicopters, carrying at least 5 marines in each. The jump out and secure the perimeter. The large metal doors suddenly open. A figure in black approaches. He has long black hair and a scar on his right eye.) Lead marine: You there! On the ground, NOW!!! (The man ignore him.) Lead marine: This is your last chance! Drop your weapon and get on the ground! Tiger: I don't think so. Hawk? (Suddenly, a katana stabs the lead marine from behind. A woman wearing the same uniform as Tiger holds the sword. She has long brown hair. A second katana sits on her belt. She removes the sword and the leader falls to the ground.) Marine: Where the hell did she come from? Fire! (With blinding speed, she deflects the bullets and slashed a marine behind her. In one quick and elegant movement, she decapitates another. Suddenly, a large armoured figure runs at the soldiers. They open fire, but the bullets have no effect. Like a juggernaut, it knocks the soliders flying. He grabs one and breaks his back. Tiger draws his gun and delivers head shots to the soldiers who advance on him. In a few moments, there is only a handful left. They run.) Tiger: Plague, finish them. (The large armoured figure fires a gas out of his gauntlets. They reach the marines and the toxic cloud slowly kills them. They are dead within minutes. A man carrying a wearing shades and a red barret emerges behind Tiger, carrying a Stinger.) Mr. Smith: Oh man, I missed the fun! Tiger: There will be another oppertunity, Smith. (An elderly man with pupiless eyes emerges.) Terror: (in a psychotic voice) Are there any survivors? Hmm? Hmm? Any juicy survivors for me to torture? Tiger: Afraid not. Terror: Aww, damn! (has a tantrum) Tiger: Lets go, we have work to do. (Tiger and Plague walk back to the base.) Terror: Say Hawk, could you check to see if there are any survivors? Hmm? Hmm? Pretty please? Hawk: (with no emotion) They are all dead. (Terror walks towards her, admiring her body.) Terror: Then maybe you can entertain me! Hmm? Hmm? Tiger: Hawk! Come on! (Hawk moves obediently towards the base.) Terror: Damnation! This place is BORING! (He shuffles back to the base. Snake emerges, contacting Otacon.) Snake: Otacon, do you read me? Otacon: Whats up, Snake? Snake: Things got a lot more complicated. Seems the base has been taken by terrorists. Otacon: What? Snake: Not only that, but three of them took out a group of marines. Otacon: Only three? Snake: I need you to do a background check for me. The group call themselves the Black Panther, led by a man codenamed 'Tiger.' Otacon: Alright. Snake, you confident that the mission can be completed? Snake: This seems a lot like Shadow Moses. I'm going to continue the mission as planned. Otacon: Ok. I'll contact you when I have the info. (Snake sees that the doors are closing, he runs and rolls through the gap before it fully closes. He has now entered the base.) Edited by WHiTeFaLCoN, Jun 8 2008, 06:31 PM.
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| ..Liquid.. | Jun 8 2008, 12:45 PM Post #8 |
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Good read, but I'm gonna point out some things what would make it better, IMO that is. I don't think Snake and Otacon would talk like that, especially not Otacon. You should make it more serious and less jokey, if you know what I mean. I don't really see Otacon saying 'Damn, Snake! That was fast! Or the 'I was a little pissed...' sentence. That doesn't sound like Otacon to me at all. You are using some characters who already exist, so you can't really create they're personality. You can just use it, that's why Otacon doesn't sound like, well. 'Otacon'. Also what you can do is detail stuff. You have Snake say 'Theres a lot of guards' You could make him say: 'Otacon, I see three guards patrolling the area. They're highly armed' I'm no master, but something like that will suit. And also remember that it's a stealth mission, Snake wouldn't go around and kill people immediately with his Socom. Also try to use open spaces, not just all one thing. For example after some people just talked, and they're gonna do something like: Otacon: Can you do that, Snake? Snake: Infiltrate the base? Yeah, I'll manage. (Snake closes CODEC and looks around, he uses his binoculairs and notices one guard in the far east patrolling the area. He sees two other guards talking to each other near the truck) Something like that, using open spaces. And then there's the minor spelling issues.
That was probably a typo, but read trough your story before you post it.
Who's 'him' ? Your making me guess who he is, it should state 'Marine'. People could get confused by this, I know I did at the first read.
The dot in front of Mr, makes it look better. Although this is probaably just nitpicking. I think that's all from now. Keep going though, I'm sure this could turn into something interesting. |
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| NinjaGirl | Jun 8 2008, 04:29 PM Post #9 |
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Explosives Specialist
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Wow, you should be an editor ^ lol. Great job, you kept me intersted throughout the whole story, and IMO I think it was put together rather nicely. Can't wait until you post the next chapter.
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| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 8 2008, 06:32 PM Post #10 |
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Are you still human?
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I've taken some of your advice ...Liquid... but it isn't a master screenplay I'm writing here. |
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| ..Liquid.. | Jun 8 2008, 10:30 PM Post #11 |
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Yeah sure I understand that, but you are planning for it to be good right? So that other people enjoy it too? And I don't know if you would rather blindly have me say: 'Wow! Good stuff! Looks interesting man, can't wait for the next one!' I actually read trough it, and gave you advice on how to make it better. |
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| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 9 2008, 06:51 PM Post #12 |
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Are you still human?
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I appreciate it. Part two coming soon. |
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| ..Liquid.. | Jun 9 2008, 07:53 PM Post #13 |
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Another question: Do you write it on WORD? Or just the 'Add reply' thing? |
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| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 10 2008, 09:32 PM Post #14 |
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Are you still human?
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Its saved on Word. Part 2 (Snake continues to progress through the base, avoiding soldiers as he goes. He hears voices coming from a building. Upon entering it, Snake discovers he has entered a cell block. He puts his back to a wall and listens to what is happening around the corner.) Terror: There is no use resisiting! You will break eventually! I will end the terror, IF YOU TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW! Prisoner 1: (screaming) NOOO!!! PLEASE!!! ARGH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! I'LL DO ANYTHING!!! Terror: Then tell me the code! Prisoner 1: I...DON'T...KNOW!!! AAAAARGH!!! Prisoner 2 (female voice): You bastard! Leave him alone! Terror: Silence, or it'll be your turn next! Do you want that? Hmm? HMM? (The screaming fades. A moment later, Terror emerges and exits the cell block, a look of disappointment on his face. Snake advances slowly to the source of the screams. A guard is stood next to a cell containing a man in a lab coat. The guard hears a knock and moves away to investigate. A moment later, his neck is broken. Snake examines the man in the cell. He is sat in the corner, trembling with his eyes staring into space.) Prisoner 2: And who are you supposed to be? (Snake turns and see a beautiful woman sat on a bed in the cell behind him. She has long black hair and stunning green eyes.) Snake: Who are you? Prisoner: Names Rachel, Sgt Rachel Jones. Snake: Were you here before Black Panther came? Rachel: No, I came afterwards. You didn't answer my question. Snake: Snake. Rachel: Snake? As in Solid Snake? Snake: Yeah. Rachel: Its an honour, Snake. Snake: Who is the man in the other cell? Rachel: Thats Dr Levski. Snake: You mean the guy who designed Metal Gear? Rachel: Thats right. Terror has been torturing him for days, trying to get the security code from him. Snake: What code? Rachel: After the terrorists took over, he programmed a code into Metal Gear to prevent it from being used. Its amazing hes been able to hide the code from Terror for so long. Snake: Whats with that old guy anyway? Doesn't really look all that threatening. Rachel: Looks can be decieving, Snake. Terror may be weak, but he has a terrible power. He can create illusions of a persons greatest fear. Hes sadistic, he loves making them suffer. Even if Levski gave him the code, I doubt he would stop, not until hes killed his minds with fear. (Snake looks back at the trembling figure in the cell. He sighs and digs out a card from his pocket.) Snake: I got the key for the cell doors. I'm gonna get you out of there. (Snake inserts the card. The cell opens and Rachel walks towards Levski's cell.) Rachel: Doctor? Doctor, can you hear me? Levski: Dead. Dead. My family. Dead. They're all dead. Their bodies crushed, dead. Rachel: Doctor Levski! Levski: Dead. Everyone is dead. Destroyed by my creation. I have created the devil. My daughter, dead. I'm the only one, the blood on my hands. (Rachel shakes her head then turns to look at Snake.) Rachel: Its no use. Hes become detached from reality. The damage has already been done. Snake: I need to find Metal Gear. Rachel: I'm sorry, I don't know where it is, but Levski's daughter might. Snake: You mean Dr. Dana Levski? Rachel: Yes, I heard from Terror that she was in the main lab, trying to decode the lock on Metal Gear. Anyway, Metal Gear is your problem, not mine. (She walks off, taking a gun from the guard's body.) Snake: Where are you going? Rachel: To find the one I love. (Snake takes a last look at Levski, then moves on.) Edited by WHiTeFaLCoN, Jun 10 2008, 09:34 PM.
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| NinjaGirl | Jun 12 2008, 09:36 PM Post #15 |
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Explosives Specialist
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Nice, sounds oddly familiar though.
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| WHiTeFaLCoN | Jun 13 2008, 10:24 PM Post #16 |
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Are you still human?
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Does it? Like what? |
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| NinjaGirl | Jun 14 2008, 08:01 PM Post #17 |
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Explosives Specialist
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LOL, Like Metal Gear. 
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| Solid Spartan | Jun 28 2008, 12:57 AM Post #18 |
Sensually-Armed Trooper
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In the words of Revolver Ocelot: "You're pretty good." I'm thinking of converting something I'm writing now to a Metal Gear Solid theme. |
 FOXHOUND Recruitment, V.2 Never forget ~ November 13th, 2005 Anail nathrak, Dorthnei diednei, Anail nathrak, de era umbrana | |
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| Nils | Jul 18 2008, 03:52 PM Post #19 |
Corpseflower
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Im in the process of writing 3 MGS fan fics, and I must say I know how hard it is. This is super. Keep up the good work, and well edited .Liquid. |
 'Pfft, you're no fun!' - Harley Quinn Spoiler: click to toggle | |
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| theman515 | Aug 8 2008, 01:55 AM Post #20 |
Jail Guard
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well ocelot has a way of being everyone and everywhere at the same time 
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