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Hey, Pastor Skeet here... We've given our own Kyle "Da G-Man" Goldman a page on the Zounds! site for his awesome mini-reviews of video games. When he's not too busy studying at the F-Ship to become a Missiological Technician, Kyle likes to hang with his peeps in the Commons and play some vids. And let me tell you, Da G-Man got game. Back in the day, I could play a righteous game of Pong, but even I've got nothing on Kyle's mad skillz. As the gamers say: I got pee-to-the-owned, powned.

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Secular & Un-Christian Games

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (Komani, PS3)
Snake
Apple
6.12.2008: (Note: I have not played this game since it is rated "M" and isn't allowed on the Fellowship U campus, so I am basing this mini-review on Secular media reports.) In Metal Gear Solid 4, you play the role of Snake, a soldier who uses stealth to sneak around a battlefield on a mission to steal guns from the Patriots (and to choke people from behind). As his name implies, Snake is actually a symbolic agent of Satan, sent into the world to finish what he started in the Garden. Evidence of this symbolism can be seen by Snake's use of an Apple iPod throughout the game (Apple is a notorious promoter of Darwinism and counter-culture). Also, Meryl, who guides Snake via a disembodied voice, uses an Apple Macintosh computer (I think Meryl is supposed to represent Satan himself, but all the symbolism is very confusing since it was written by a Japanese guy). This game promotes drug use (Snake is addicted to cigarettes and the HDD installation process features an 8-minute video of Snake teaching players how to smoke), eugenics through human cloning (Snake was the product of a project to clone "super soldiers"), disrespect of Authority (Snake's main enemy in the game are the Patriots, who represent the Christian founders of our nation), and Materialistic Determinacy with an absence of Free Will (every game in the MGS series is a remake of the first, only with a different Snake clone, the theory being that by putting the clones through the same missions, they will develop into the same person). MGS4 was designed to train those who will be left behind after the Rapture to serve in the Antichrist's military forces. As such, it has no value for the Christian gamer, who is among the Elect and won't have to deal with that, but it may help the unsaved to know the tactics they will be up against in a post-Rapture world should they choose to join the fight against the Antichrist and secure themselves a place among the Sheep when Christ returns. Therefore, I am giving it ONE CROSS for this slight benefit. †

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What would Jesus play?

Playstation 3
Xbox 360
Wii
PSP
Nintendo DS

IceGoat

Jul 2 2008, 08:58 AM

Hilariously ridiculous! Ridiculously hilarious! And overall just completely fictional, obviously fit to this person's EXTREMELY skewed view on the world!

This was a very good find. I just like how very very few things he said were in fact true (OK so his name IS Snake). Man, how can people really believe all this shit about the rapture or whatever else?!

Notice how he refers to the "Elect" as the "Sheep." Yeah, sheep. As in, "weak," "pathetic," "helpless."

So you may have gleaned that I am devoutly Atheist. There is no God. I can respect religion when it is used as a moral guide for people who obviously don't know any better, or just as a moderate something to believe in. (I mean, if these people can be swayed to believe in the rapture, surely they could be equally swayed to assassinate the president if the right pressure and brainwashing was applied.) But when religion states things that are just so clearly impossible, I can have no respect for it.

Anyway its CLASSIC. Good find.

EDIT

"every game in the MGS series is a remake of the first, only with a different Snake clone, the theory being that by putting the clones through the same missions, they will develop into the same person"

That would actually make an interesting premise, despite the fact that it is entirely made up.

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every game in the MGS series is a remake of the first, only with a different Snake clone, the theory being that by putting the clones through the same missions, they will develop into the same person