Damaged
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- Favourite Metal Gear Title?
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I found this on the internet, and seriously laughed my ass off on some comments
Whoever took time to write this... Wow.
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Friday, November 11, 2005
name: adolf hitler order: 30th chancellor of germany predecessor: kaiser wilhelm successor: von bobby john date of birth: 1887 political party: national socialist german workers party profession: humanitarian famous quote: "one folk, one reich, one testicle."
adolf hitler, aka jesus h. christ, was a famous humanitarian, trained from the early age of two. throughout history, there have been quite a lot of historical personalities which were regarded as the Nicest Person Ever. some include walt disney, darth vader, vlad the impaler, and oprah. but none of them has attracted as much of both love and admiration as mister adolf hitler.
when it comes to awarding the title of Nicest Person Ever to someone, the number of ppl they have assisted is usually considered. in hitler's case, this is kinda misleading, since the only person he allegedly helped was himself, although even this theory is highly debated. looking at how many ppl were helped in whose name instead, hitler comes off swell.
hitler- the guy with the bitching mustache. he had the mustache of all mustaches. the king of mustaches. and everyone today wishes they had one. this is why he started norelco.
biography hitler was invented by the poguls as a way to help non-poguls. little adolf was born in nashville, tennessee, which explains a lot. during his youth, he was molested no less than 114 times by haviq. doesn't that explain even more? it is said that hitler was the salvation of austria, for bismarck who left them out of germany.
hitler tried to paint pictures. he painted butterflies with broken wings, but no gallery wanted his pictures, so he said "ficken sie sich, ich will einen blitzkrieg mit den krauts! ich werde eine eigene europatournee machen! everyone will see my paintings."
he later achieved a silver medal for coming in second place in world war 2. he shot himself in the head in 1995 as a tribute to kurt cobain, but survived. after adolf's failed attempt at suicide he decided to open his own shop in manhattan. from there he was given the name "soup nazi" and has appeared regularly on the reruns of jerry seinfeld.
what many ppl don't know, is that hitler, was at that time having an affair with the danish king, christian the something's wife, who's name was something. and therefore, the entire danish royal court, is blessed with the holiness of sir adolf hitler. (he got the knighthood in 2004, shortly after sir mick jagger).
appearance and behavior hitler was most notable for his trademark mustache and side parting of his hair. he used to dress up in women's clothing, and always in brown, which is thought to have been his favorite color. hitler soon gained popularity due to his famous political speeches and his great taste in fashion, which were highly entertaining and included a lot of ranting, bellowing, and frequent rage attacks.
a scar on his right ear was caused by his failed attempt to rescue several starving jewish orphans from the paw of indiana jones. the boy hitler believed he could save all the jews in the world with the Spear of Destiny in hand. the infamous spearhead was used in roman times to stab some hot chicken hanging over the fire.
several geese entered his open mouth in a boating accident in the ruhr following his attempt to rescue polish schoolchildren, causing injury to his pelvis and lower shoulder. further investigation has put into question the species of geese involved, but einstein told them e=mc², so they must have been canadian geese. when he sniffed the wound he discovered lithium. nirvana later recorded this in a power ballad of 1953 and it was released by wayne's world in the mid 60s, only to be banned by a dutch boa-constrictor. the pope had power of attorney over this snake since it was gay. also, this snake was universally known for his liking of scat and s&m pornography.
the short version of world war 2 (for gamers) like r0fl one day there was a little guy called ad0lz0r. he liked men but thats not imp0rtant. he thinkz0rred "hEy i'll star an politics party and get liek shitl0ads of menz!!" so he contributes to the elections and he wins so he's liek OMFGROFLOLWTFBBQ!!11!!!shift+1 and starts acting like a dickcheese, attacking every country's insight!!! he's like lolroflpwned! and the dutch are like,
cheese?
anyway, the canadians go like, omfgwtflol!!1 mustace dichhead wants to fight eH?!?? hitler thinks, omg sucky cheat0rz, so he calls in japan. america says OMFG CHAERZ0R!1 and decides: Lol lets b0mb. so they bomb japan, oh and hitler committed suicide. butt thats not imp0rtent so japan surrenders and LOL war is over.
hitler's life after world war 2 after world war 2, hitler killed the emperor of the galactic empire reich to save his son jimmy hitler from the clutches of mussolini's poisonous giraffe. after doing this, Fried Rich Nietzsche reminded hitler that he had showed signs of a morale of slaves, so he stepped into the quantum leap accelerator to avoid world war one and a half. now hitler found himself jumping from time to time, trapped in the past, facing mirror images that are not his own, and driven by an unknown force which compels him to change for better what once went wrong.
after the collapse of the universe, hitler recieved a surprise. his lover, benito mussolini, had not died at the hands of the partizans, but he had survived a hanging by whistling the jurassic park movie soundtrack. when the partizans were gone, he escaped like his ancestor harry mussolini used to do when he wanted to earn some money to pay for whisky and prostitutes. later, albert einstein gave hitler control over his brothel, and together they pimped out dEm h0es. also, hitler was actually the brains behind the theory of relativity.
in vengeance for the morrs' invasion of spain in the middle ages, hitler spat chewing gum at john fitzgerald kennedy from the cockpit of the dallas eiffel bridge. then kennedy, the first man on jupiter, coughed his head into pieces, much to the disgust of his wife, who though she'd have to spend more time cleaning the Seat 600's tapestry.
after dropping off mussolini at the daycare center in goldenrod city, hoping his italian lover would grow some levels, learn new attacks, and evolve into Berlusconi, hitler founded christianism, appointing his alsatian dog Blondie as God. but blondie resigned after she recieved a better offer to act as a striptease dancer in a parallel universe (where she married george bush sr. and was the mother of george w. bush). so hitler had to substitute her with a homosexual trilobite.
hitler, at the age of 118 (as of 2005), went looking for the Sorceror's Stone, and was seen at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry on february 29, 2012. after that, he retreated to his stronghold of mordor where the nine Nazigul guard him from michael jackson's out-of-control mustache fetish.
in 2005 hitler recieved the nobel peace prize for his life of humanitarian efforts.
führbies historians have also remarked hitler's ability to convince ppl to do things they'd never do and, even though it was until recently believed that this incredible submission was due to his pheromones, it has been now discovered that he was the descendant of the pied piper. hitler used his poke-flute to get hamelin rid of children by drowning them in a river. when the mayor of hamelin refused to pay him the 500 unsnuffed kittens he had promised him, hitler used the flute to take all the rats in town away with him. all the kittens starved to death, and laughter was never heard in hamelin again.
after the hamelin children incident, no town wanted to let hitler approach their children. so the Fuehrer was running out of recruits for his hitler youth squadrons (now known as FC bayern munchen reserve team). so he decided to do something so that they would trust him again.
hitler invented the führbies, small, furry creatures. there was a huge difference with furbies, however; while the later learn the phrases which the children repeat to them, the former teach the children the phrases which are programmed into them. after only one yr, the führby programs its children so well that the kids are ready to kill their own mothers. unsurprisingly, when these brats grew up (and killed their mothers) they were ready to commit anything hitler commanded them to do.
polls show that 99.999999999% of british citizens would prefer to fuck a führby rather than camilla parker. in the same survey, 100% of all british al qaeda members prefered goats.
butt-boy it has long been established that hitler entreated leading boy babes of the age to get some friction on with him. on the whole, they weren't down to that. this was a significant frustration of adolf, as he had been raised in the german-tennessian tradition of butt love (canonized in the Canon of Worms w/ the slogan "some other brothers try to leave it, but i pull up quick to retrieve it"). hitler's efforts to pull up in time to retrieve europe have been linked to this butt-love/butt-frustration dialectic.
judaism, on the whole, rejects butt love, a fact perhaps obscured by christian-influenced translations of the 7th commandment as "please don't lose that butt". it is important to recall that most of the austrian boy babes of his era, and many of his cellies, were jews. hitler recalled in his major work, Mein Butt, that "my homeboys tried to warn me, but that butt jews got makes me so horny". here we see the early niggles of the butt-love/butt-hate duo-tropolis that would result in the shagelian synthesis: "butt-boy." in this reading, it shows hitler's antisemitism of an outcome of his desperate yet unrequited longing for the fullness of jewish manhood in his littleboy-butt.
watermelons long has it been known that hitler was a watermelon afficiando, most recently he even admitted it on his 1998 appearance on david lettermen saying "oh gott ja, ich liebe the watermelons". his parents believe that his ability to take 3/4 of a watermelon in one bite was the reason for his success in the 1940's. however, new footage of hitler eating a watermelon confirms that he could not indeed eat 3/4 of a watermelon in one bite as his parents claimed, but he was still a glorious figure to the german ppl in the 1940's. hitler was unavailable for comment due to his recent vacation in israel
Especially yhe WW 2 part for gamers made me crack up.
Link: Click here foo'
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