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Protocol for Investigating Weird Noises; P.I.W.N.
Topic Started: Apr 5 2013, 12:42:04 PM (1,183 Views)
Black Cat
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Swamp witch

As I sit here typing this, I can hear weird noises coming from the kitchen. I'm not sure where the noises are coming from or what's making them, but I had to stop and ask myself 'Jeff, what should you do in this situation?' before going to investigate. My ultimate conclusion, for some odd reason, was that I should make a new topic about proper protocols to follow when investigating weird noises.

We've all experienced this generic scenario in some way before: you're sitting in a house by yourself late at night, minding your own business. Suddenly you hear a strange noise that you can't identify, and you have to subject yourself to extreme irrational anxiety as you walk toward the source of the noise not knowing what you'll find. So what if you find some type of space alien or mutated government experiment climbing through a window or digging through your trash?

You are probably not prepared for such a situation and your best bet is probably to run away. One of the most important things to do is to just keep listening to avoid going off half-cocked. I can still hear something in the kitchen, but I also heard a shuffling noise from the opposite side of the house. This could mean a lot of things, maybe even that the situation is serious enough to warrant immediate investigation, but I will not be fooled. Like I said, one important thing is to listen for at least a little while after the initial noise, just to see if you keep hearing it.

If you do, pay attention to the way it sounds. Is it moving? Is it getting louder or quieter? If it is doing any of those things, it just makes the whole situation more nerve-racking . People always run toward the noise in the movies, don't make that mistake. I still haven't gone to investigate the noises I've been hearing, but I probably should have a long time ago if I was going to. If I had, I fear I may not have returned to finish typing this post.

I'm just being dramatic, but still, anything could have been making those noises. Cats or burglars, or even, God forbid, CAT BURGLARS. Or space aliens. The point is, if you go investigate weird noises you will probably be just fine and then you can go back to a forum or something. In the off chance that there really IS something strange going on though (like g-g-g-ghosts!) you would probably be better off staying where you are.

The adventurous souls among us will want to go investigate immediately though, and I don't hold that against them. Just remember to bring some citrus fruits with you in case the dreaded Vitamin C. Deficiency is waiting for you in the darkness. What do you guys do when you hear strange noises when you are home alone? Investigate or stay put? Do you have any advice to share on the subject?
Posted Image

"If life pushes you down, you gotta push back. If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow." - Frank Reynolds

SSHD - Scary Shit to Hear in the Dark
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Bames Jond
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now this is pod racing

I think you should go outside or smoke some weed.
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Freeman
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LUKE FREEMAN
This is a very interesting and disturbing topic, but yeah Bames' suggestions are probably a good idea.
Dante
 
Tibbs...The ... ideal ... pleb[/center]
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MalAlmighty
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>>New_Targeting_Param: >>>FUCK_YOU_userGroup
He has obviously already been smoking weed.

We should hang out, toiletpaper gate.
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Know what I hate? Peanutbutter. It sticks to your nipples
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Vodou Marekaj Fantom
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...Die By The Gun

HOLY FUCK THAT WAS BRILLIANT.

10/10, off to the poetry section with you.
Spoiler: click to toggle


Tom P.
 
Agent
May 26 2014, 06:02:17 PM
Vodou Marekaj Fantom
May 26 2014, 06:01:24 PM
Broke +220km/h (140 m/h) last night :)
in what?
IN AIR JORDANS
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NateDog
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We have arrived.
Bames Jond
Apr 5 2013, 05:52:19 PM
I think you should go outside and smoke some weed.
10/10 would bang again
Watch this space.
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Sword
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Kaz... I'm already half Xehanort
I have 3 swords and a pair of nunchacku. Noises get investigated with great enthusiasm. Whatever I kill I eat.
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Posted Image
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Black Cat
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Swamp witch

Quote:
 
I think you should go outside or smoke some weed.


:roy:

Quote:
 
This is a very interesting and disturbing topic, but yeah Bames' suggestions are probably a good idea.


Interesting AND disturbing? Thanks, man. I appreciate that. :thumb:

Quote:
 
He has obviously already been smoking weed.

We should hang out, toiletpaper gate.


:cheers:

Quote:
 
HOLY FUCK THAT WAS BRILLIANT.

10/10, off to the poetry section with you.


Do you really think I can make it? I'm not sure about it myself, poetry section is like... THE section.

Quote:
 
10/10 would bang again


:patriot:

Quote:
 
I have 3 swords and a pair of nunchacku. Noises get investigated with great enthusiasm. Whatever I kill I eat.


That's cool, I have some weapons but not as many as I would like. I've been thinking about buying a sword, but I'm not sure about it with all the cheap low-quality ones out there.
Posted Image

"If life pushes you down, you gotta push back. If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow." - Frank Reynolds

SSHD - Scary Shit to Hear in the Dark
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NateDog
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We have arrived.
Don't be a slave to cheap manufacturing, you need to instil fear into your prey and make them feel the blade as it caresses their scrotum.
Watch this space.
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Black Cat
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Swamp witch

Quote:
 
Don't be a slave to cheap manufacturing, you need to instil fear into your prey and make them feel the blade as it caresses their scrotum.


So anyone who tries to break into your house becomes part of some painful scrotum-related ritual? That's pretty brutal, but it will definitely scare the shit out of anyone who tries to make off with your stuff.
Posted Image

"If life pushes you down, you gotta push back. If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow." - Frank Reynolds

SSHD - Scary Shit to Hear in the Dark
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NateDog
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We have arrived.
Exactly, they need to feel the cut of your sword. You are the master.
Watch this space.
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Wayno
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I don't even try. Why would I?

How I deal with strange noises that occur after dark.

>Pet head under bedsheet
>Inhale deeply
>?????
>Profit
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NateDog
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We have arrived.
Wayno
Apr 5 2013, 11:27:48 PM
>Pet head under bedsheet
>Inhale deeply
>?????
>Profit
That shit's illegal where I'm from.
Watch this space.
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Wayno
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I don't even try. Why would I?

NateDog
Apr 5 2013, 11:31:10 PM
Wayno
Apr 5 2013, 11:27:48 PM
>Pet head under bedsheet
>Inhale deeply
>?????
>Profit
That shit's illegal where I'm from.
But you do it anyway. Because you're a certified no-nonsense-taking, chump-busting Irish Mod who doesn't play by 'the rules.'

Coming fall 2013.
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Dirty Duck
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super𝖛𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖓

I just ignore it and carry on whatever I'm doing, because if it is a mass murderer in a clown mask, I'd might as well finish this last wank, right?
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the beast ii

R.I.P G.J.V | R.I.P OS.
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NateDog
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We have arrived.
Curse you Stan Marsh. Or should I say, Stan DARSH!
Watch this space.
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Webbie
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THUG ROSE!
MalAlmighty
Apr 5 2013, 05:59:49 PM
He has obviously already been smoking weed.
Exactly.

I ignore any noises until I know for sure that something's there, and then I just go look and see what it is.
Edited by Webbie, Apr 5 2013, 11:53:00 PM.
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Rico
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Light Infantry
Webbie
Apr 5 2013, 11:51:46 PM
I ignore any noises until I know for sure that something's there, and then I just go look and see what it is, and then I kick the fuck out of it.
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Black Cat
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Swamp witch

Quote:
 
Exactly, they need to feel the cut of your sword. You are the master.


I now have an obligation to get a good sword. It's just something I have to do now.

Quote:
 
How I deal with strange noises that occur after dark.

>Pet head under bedsheet
>Inhale deeply
>?????
>Profit


I see, a variation of the Gnome technique. Not even the baddest of asses would dare cross you if you were doing that.

Quote:
 
I just ignore it and carry on whatever I'm doing, because if it is a mass murderer in a clown mask, I'd might as well finish this last wank, right?


Imagine being in the position of a burglar who walks in on someone wanking. That might be a good way to foil a burglary, but only if they feel extremely uncomfortable with what's going on (YOU should probably be the one wearing the clown mask in that situation). A mass murderer on the other hand might not be so easy to stop.

Quote:
 
Curse you Stan Marsh. Or should I say, Stan DARSH!


STAAAAAN DAAARSH! STAN DARSH!
Posted Image

"If life pushes you down, you gotta push back. If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow." - Frank Reynolds

SSHD - Scary Shit to Hear in the Dark
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NateDog
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We have arrived.
tp_GATE
Apr 6 2013, 12:09:04 AM
Imagine being in the position of a burglar who walks in on someone wanking. That might be a good way to foil a burglary, but only if they feel extremely uncomfortable with what's going on (YOU should probably be the one wearing the clown mask in that situation). A mass murderer on the other hand might not be so easy to stop.
What happens if he joins you?
Watch this space.
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