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| In case of space aliens...; The game! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 2 2013, 09:22:38 AM (687 Views) | |
| Black Cat | Sep 2 2013, 09:22:38 AM Post #1 |
Swamp witch
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I can see why this was moved to forum games. Good idea! There are two ways to play: #1: Make an instruction manual on how to deal with space aliens in a certain situation, or write about an experience you've had with them and how you made it through. #2: Simply finish this sentence in any way you see fit and post it: "In case of space aliens," Hey everybody, tp_GATE here with another Have any of you experienced extraterrestrial activities? How did you deal with it? You should know how annoying space aliens can be, what with the abductions and shining lights everywhere like they own the goddamn place. I'm here to tell you that you can easily rid yourself of these pests if you wish. There are many different ways you can experience extraterrestrial activities; If you see a strange light in the sky that you can't explain, it's definitely an alien spacecraft; If you hear something digging around in your trash outside at night, it's definitely a pack of feral space aliens; If you can't find your keys in the morning, it's because space aliens took your Countach out for a joy ride. Strange lights in the sky First off, look around you. Where are you? Whether you are at home or at the store can drastically change your best options for survival in this situation. If you are at home, grab the nearest gun and calmly announce to the lights that you have a gun and you will use it, and that you aren't afraid to go back to prison. This will not work, as the space aliens will not leave immediately, but you have succeeded in making them believe you've got nothing to lose. If the lights start to move closer to you, aim your gun at the ship and repeat the previous statement. Space aliens seem to have an adverse reaction to bullets, so this might convince them to leave. If they still do not comply, tell them to get off your lawn and start firing until they go somewhere else. If you're in a public area, find the nearest cowboy and ask him to use his gun to scare the aliens away. Space aliens in your home If you should ever find one or more space aliens in your home always remember that a broom is the only thing you need. Step 1: Pick up the nearest broom and loudly declare shenanigans so that anyone nearby will know what's going on. Step 2: Beat the space alien with your broom for an extended period of time Step 3: Repeat Step 2 as needed until it runs away or dies If you decide to take a picture of the being just use your oldest camera and make sure each photo is as blurry as possible. Attempted abduction while driving Floor it. These are only a few possibilities as to what can happen. Please share your stories about space aliens and how you've dealt with them in your day-to-day life. Edited by Black Cat, Sep 3 2013, 05:08:10 AM.
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 "If life pushes you down, you gotta push back. If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow." - Frank Reynolds SSHD - Scary Shit to Hear in the Dark | |
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| blindfox | Sep 2 2013, 09:49:38 AM Post #2 |
Warning: NSFW
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Tbh I really really hope all aliens are unworldly gorgeous babes. |
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| Vergil | Sep 2 2013, 05:34:39 PM Post #3 |
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| The Baneposter | Sep 2 2013, 05:42:25 PM Post #4 |
Only me
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Also, always set up water cups around your home, because just incase the aliens are dumb enough to invade a planet full of water when water pretty much kills them, you pretty much set a trap everywhere. |
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| JC87 | Sep 2 2013, 08:39:17 PM Post #5 |
snitches get stitches
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One time I had this friend (definitely not me, but my friend) who was forcefully probed by a group of aliens. Do you have any tips on how my friend might protect his dignity from future attacks? |
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| Vodou Marekaj Fantom | Sep 2 2013, 08:44:02 PM Post #6 |
...Die By The Gun
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Probe them first. Aliens are all gonna be like "Yo shit this guys gonna shit his pants when we jam this rod in his ass", then when you show up you jam your thumbs in their asses and they're all like "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" and they drop you off this ship for fear of their own anal virginities |
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| JC87 | Sep 2 2013, 08:54:05 PM Post #7 |
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snitches get stitches
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There is also one more piece to this puzzle... My friend (once again not me, but my friend) was given a rather large some of money in return for his willing participation in the probing session, and one more future session. But I immediately regretted it afterwards. What could he do then? |
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| Wayno | Sep 2 2013, 08:55:23 PM Post #8 |
I don't even try. Why would I?
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Seems more appropriate in the game section. |
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| Dirty Duck | Sep 2 2013, 09:02:21 PM Post #9 |
super𝖛𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖓
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Space aliens posing as a loved one Should you ever have suspicions that a member of your family or perhaps a friend have been kidnapped/killed and now have a Space alien living their life, do not panic, there're a number of give aways to confirm your suspicions; 1:Is the suspect taking more trips to the bathroom than usual? If so, it could be a space alien, retreating to a socially acceptable private place to report back to the mothership and plan for the replacement of more loved ones and potentially you yourself. 2:Does the suspect dress in an appropriate way? Space aliens are not prone to fashion sense, so if your previously trendy brother is now wearing hawaiian shirts over a leather jacket, he's either a Space alien or hooked on Elton John. 3:Does the suspect constantly stick his/her/it's head in any food they are given? Space aliens have not yet found a convenient way to eat through their skin suits, and this is the only way they can absorb any energy from the food you give them. If your suspect ticks all these boxes, you most likely are dealing with a Space alien. Do not be alarmed, there're many ways to drive this unwelcome guest out of your home. Firstly, serve nothing but steamed vegetables for every meal, Space aliens can deal with vegetables in small amounts but in large quantities it gives them gas, the gas then builds up in their skin suits leaving them with little choice but to return to the mothership and air it out for a few days or so, in this time you can prepare the other steps to ridding the Space alien. Ensure the only films on show around the house are E.T, Aliens or Paul. Space aliens, like any other minority group, hate being misrepresented in media. These films show such a unrealistic representation of Space aliens they can't help but become flustered and bothered, they will go back to the mothership for a good strop and maybe even rant about it on their splogs (Space alien slang for blogs). For added effect, commentate on how realistic the films are while you watch. After these two steps your unwanted Space alien is probably royally pissed off, so to top it off invite the Space alien out on a day trip. When the impostor asks where you are going, calmly reply that you have won tickets to Area 51 for a tour. This will shock the Space alien beyond belief, he has probably stayed at Area 51 before and is fully aware of the awful accommodation, terrible food, and rude staff. He will at this moment probably send an emergency distress signal to the mothership saying to abandon the mission, he will vaporise from your car as he teleports away, leaving the skin suit behind. Dispose of this however you want, and report your missing loved one to the Police. If they are dead, that's an awful shame, but at least you no longer have a Space alien in your house. Disclaimer:If dealing with an alien of the non-Space variety, please contact Border control and disregard all advice in this guide. |
 「 the beast ii 」 R.I.P G.J.V | R.I.P OS. | |
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| Dirty Duck | Sep 2 2013, 09:03:45 PM Post #10 |
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super𝖛𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖓
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(fuck you Wayno, you moved this as I was typing that response and had me scared shitless that I'd lost the entire post when the error screen came up) |
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「 the beast ii 」 R.I.P G.J.V | R.I.P OS. | |
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| Vodou Marekaj Fantom | Sep 3 2013, 01:43:26 AM Post #11 |
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...Die By The Gun
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This was an ANAL Probing? Well your "Friend" should get a pregnancy test, then contact a lawyer and claim he was raped. In that order. |
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| Shackleford | Sep 3 2013, 01:48:12 AM Post #12 |
The Jon Jones of MGSF
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You can't escape aliens. |
Intandem fite me pussy Spoiler: click to toggle
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| Black Cat | Sep 3 2013, 05:32:57 AM Post #13 |
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Swamp witch
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I just updated the OP with game rules. @JC87: Your friend could sue the aliens for aggravated probing and possibly get quite a large settlement. @DD: I was in stitches, 10/10 Space alien in the fridge If you should wake up to find a space alien in your refrigerator one night, do not panic! This is a situation that can be easily dealt with as long as you keep your composure. These feral space aliens can smell fear, and they react accordingly. Stay calm and slowly approach the refrigerator. If the door is open, close it quickly and try your best to keep the space alien from escaping. At this point the space alien will become angry and it will cast a powerful acid breath spell, but if you cast reflect magic at the right time you won't take any damage. Oddly enough, the space alien has very low poison resistance and it will stagger. Use all the strength/magic buffs you can and take the opportunity to attack its eyes, you should be able to take down at least half of its health with good spells or swords, and it will work even better if you are in a party. At half health the second phase of the battle starts and the space alien summons the Mother Ship. It will then fly around the field using a tractor beam to pick up anything it touches. Be sure to avoid the beam because it's an automatic game over if it picks you up. Just stay away from the beam and shoot your smart bombs at the ship when the tractor beam turns on, after about five bombs the battle is over and you've won. Problem solved. |
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"If life pushes you down, you gotta push back. If you're dealt a bunch of lemons, you gotta take those lemons and stuff them down somebody's throat until they see yellow." - Frank Reynolds SSHD - Scary Shit to Hear in the Dark | |
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5:56 PM Jul 13